Bargain: Jessica Claire Overpay for BullSh*t Workshop, $1500 for 3 Hours (Shoot for Sh*t)

One of our staffers in the office has been getting a lot of scam emails from Nigeria. He even tried to go through one hoping he would make $15 million dollars for helping a dying old man move some money from an off shore account. Sadly, after losing $3,000 via Western Union to some guy in Nigeria, our staffer learned the hard way. So to avoid making the same naive mistake, we helped him install a superduperfly scam-spam email filtering software. This software is 100% accurate and does a wonderful job of making sure our naive staffer doesn't get duped again by sending all scam-spam mail to the junk folder. There is only one issue; emails from his mom somehow get marked as spam because she emails him every morning to make sure he got into work okay and brought lunch. So the staffer has to go through the folder each day to make sure he didn't miss anything from his dear mother.

Earlier today, as our newbie staffer was cleaning out his Junk Mail folder, he came across this very important spam mail from Jessica Claire. It appears she is also holding workshops in the off season to supplement her Shootsac habit. The desperation in her tone seems to indicate she may be in dire straits.

We at PZN want to help Jessica out with her efforts to make a quick BIG buck off of naive photographers out there willing to fork over upwards of $1500 that may be lying around your house or saved up for a rainy day. Don't be selfish; if you can give more, we encourage you to also purchase two or three of her amazing 3-can cooler bags, the Shitsac. And don't you dare complain these are over priced sewn neoprene bags at $179.

Please see below the spam mail she sent out earlier this week, in what we believe is the original unedited version forwarded to us after our editor Photogzilla went through to remove parts where Jessica spoke about herself in third person.

Happy Whatever The F*ck Day It Is!

As wedding season winds to a close and we head into booking season and the new year, it's time for me to focus on making insane amounts of money from naive moms with cameras so that I can make enough to keep Shoosac afloat through next year! I am so excited to announce that from now until the end of the year, I will be accepting SHOOT FOR BULLSH*T (aka PAY FOR BULLSH*T) private consulting sessions! These sessions will be offered for as long as I can get away with it and will be scheduled one after the other if I'm lucky and you're stupid enough!

What's the Scam?

Between now until newbie photographers wise up, I have three types of sessions available (all sessions take place in Orange County, where all high ballers live):

SKYPE THE BULLSH*T:  ONLY one hour Skype consulting session:  $400

SHARE THE BULLSH*T:  ONLY one hour, in person consulting session over lunch (at Jack In The Box and on me):  $500

SHOOT THE BULLSH*T:  3 hours, one hour of consulting over lunch, a one hour shoot (you can model if ur not fat or ugly so I can actually blog about you, or I will have to get a good looking model, couple or family), and one hour of processing where I just run some Photoshop RAD actions:  $1500

OK, I Want To Be Suckered.  Now What?

In order to schedule a session, all you have to do is send an email to blog@jessicaclaire.net with the following information:  Your name, your blog or site, the type of session you are interested in wasting your money on, and the approximate time frame you'd like.

The Skinny for the Scam To Work:

You are responsible for the information you receive during your session because I'm only there to collect my money and give you canned answers!  Please come prepared with questions, topic, work, or anything else you'd like to discuss in order to get the most out of my time because I have to go shopping with your hard earned money asap. The more prepared you are with questions and the things you'd like to discuss, the faster I can stop wasting my time with you!  No topic is off-limits, and I will answer any question you have to the best of my recollection from everything I picked up over the years from more skilled photographers on the DWF forum.

You must book and schedule your session between now and the end of the year (the session must take place within that time as well).

Full payment will be due at booking for SKYPE & SHARE sessions. For SHOOT sessions, half is due at booking, and half is due the day of the session. I'm very sorry, but no refunds are available once you realize all the answers you got from me were nothing special and won't help you further your photography nor your business, except my own.  If you need to reschedule your session for any reason, you may reschedule one time for another date in 2010 subject to when I'm not Twittering from my dog's account.

The Smoke & Mirrors Hookup:

If you book ANY session between now and the end of the year that will take place before the end of the year, I'm going to make it look like your getting a bargain by taking off a measly 10% off the price!  You may ALSO bring one other gullible and naive person with you to any of these sessions so you both can split the cost, but still be able to bitch together on how I ripped you BOTH off.

Thanks so much everyone, and I look forward to taking your money soon!

xoxo (do I sound cool, like Gossip Girl??)
jessica claire
www.jessicaclaire.net

Did you or someone you know take a workshop from Jessica Claire? We want to hear from you. PZN asks you share your experience in the comment section below so others can make an informed decision.

Read recent related workshop scams: Jasmine Star & YWD Magazine "A Girl In A Chair" Workshop Review

Keep Stalking The Real Rockstar...Photogzilla!

Shootsac Wakes Up Lowers Prices, Still Not Popular

The little surfers who sacrificed their wet suits for the sake of making a quick buck on cheap bags by ripping off naive newbie photographers have apparently been given a dose of reality. After our story was published a few days ago, Shootsac made an announcement today that they would be having a Shootsac Outlet sale. Details are scarce at this time, but it appears PZN's friends at the Wine Catalogue selling a much better neoprene option for $24.95 is really getting to our good friend Jessica Claire. Especially since the wine bag is so much taller and cooler looking (yes, pun intended). However, we also have unconfirmed reports that sales of the Shitsac have been absolutely horrible and continue to decline as people continue giving bad reviews to the bag after realizing it is nothing more than a beverage cooler for three. No matter, the PZN staff is just delighted to see Jessica has stopped smoking whatever the Becker was slipping her and going in a different direction. We just hope she comes to her senses and stops ripping off naive photographers with such a silly excuse for a bag disguised under cheesy pillow cases from Target. A little bird also told us that Ms. Claire has fired Becker and wants to make an offer to our sexy chief Photogzilla to come on board as a consultant. One of our PZN interns said she couldn't afford to hire Photozilla's sexy ass anyway.

Sadly, even with this announcement, we at PZN collectively agree that we would only use a Shitsac if it was given away with free highlighters at a job convention, along with all the other junk. How much do you think Jessica should sell the Shootsac for?

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Keep Stalking Photogzilla!

Subliminal Marketing for Photographers: Lesson #20-something

Holy Dunkin' Donuts Batman! It seems like its been forever, doesn't it? We got many loving emails, direct messages, threatening letters sprayed with perfume, and a couple of lovely fruit baskets asking where the hell PZN had gone off to. Well, the PZN staff was given a long needed break while our sexy chief Photogzilla was off shooting weddings and other nonsense; hot women, clubs, booze, sex, Jersey Shore. To tell you the truth, he's still out of the country on one of those fancy celebrity destination weddings. Fret not though, when he returns, he's going to blog and tweet about the whole thing, name drop whoever he sees, and even do some @mentions on Twitter pretending the celebrity is actually going to see it and really care about another 'vendor servant' at their wedding.

Enough of that. Our hotter than Brad Pitt sexpot chief Photogzilla, who is currently messing around with Jennifer Aniston, sent this in to us and told us to blog it. It's about our uber fabulously boring friend Jessica Claire, who recently realized Facebook, Twitter, and blogs are all places to actually interact with people. Yes, even she has come down from her throne to respond to comments & questions left by poor village peasants.

Well, today's lesson is directly related to the overall constant barrage of marketing & campaigning of anything you sell; your services, your products, your body, your soul, whatever. The rule is this: discuss a topic that appears to be helpful on the surface, but always plug your product in some way or form, even it is not related to the question. This is our product placement strategy. Just be sneaky about it.

For instance, say someone asks you what kind of lenses do you use? The novice simpleton would reply with a list of all of their most used lenses. However, if you know how to Jedi mind trick the flocks of sheep, you slip in a word about, say, your shitty overpriced bag of a product you want to sell. Of course, this isn't relevant to the question, but you're a real marketing sleuth.Your demographic of innocent housewives won't even smell out your cunning ways. And don't forget to put a link either.

Jessica Claire - Pretend To Be Helpful, Capture The Plug Opportunity:

Aside from the great example on how to be sneaky with your product plugs, the question on what lenses one uses is one of the funniest of our times. We would hope that anyone who purchases any lens knows why they are getting it. Not because some law school dropout said she shoots wide open with a 85 1.2, so you do the same.

Ring-Ring-Ring, it's Photogzilla on the phone:
"You would think the Stupids in our industry would have made a turn for the better over the past few months, but it just goes to show you that the Stupids like having me around. And yes, Stupids is my answer to the label of the Grumpies. Use it anytime you see my good friend Dane Sanders. Anyway, I hope my staff has helped out those of you out there that are trying to market your shitsacs to the flocks of newbies with these types of groundbreaking questions. There IS such a thing as a stupid question, but it's a great opportunity to be a plugging whore. Plug your mother if you want to."

So remember kids; it is very important to plug your product at every turn, especially if you're trying to be helpful. These moments are when people are in their most vulnerable state and ready to dip their faces into molten lava if you tell them to. Isn't subliminal marketing awesome?!?

By the way, when the PZN staff is working, our chief always brings in 3 bottles of wine from his destination weddings to help us loosen up. He carries the bottles in a beautiful black bag from our friends at Wine Enthusiast Catalog. This spacious & fashionable bag is made from, wait for it...neoprene. And yes, we did say 3 wine bottles. Fourteen inches high. Wait a minute. You're getting ahead of us here. Did you say a lens up to 70-200?? You read our minds! And if you order now, you can get it for the ultra low price of...$24.99! No, you're not going blind. You read that correctly. Huh? You got ripped off with that other diaper shitsac bag? Oh. Wow. How much? You did get ripped off. What? Cost of this? Well, since you asked so nicely; neoprene, zipper, thread, large storage pocket, tote handle...we think it probably costs around $2 fitty to make each one. Maybe less.

Wine Enthusiast Bag - Camera Bag By Day, Cheap Date By Night - Only $24.99

The $179 Shootsac - Always Laying Down On The Job Compared To Our Wine Lens Bag

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Tune in next time for another exciting lesson!

Until then...Keep Stalking Photogzilla!

Escalate Live: The Secret Tape

Risking life and limb, PZN's own sexy chief Photogzilla went under cover this past Sunday to a secret meeting that was called the night before Escalate Live was to begin. After he managed to leave undetected, he was kidnapped by two assailants and driven all night to an unknown location.

After bribing his captives, he managed to escape and hitch a ride from a chicken farmer. His camera was lost amongst some hen cages, however, the farmer was kind enough to come back and returned it to Photogzilla.

Without further ado, PZN is proud to take you behind the closed doors of Escalate Live to show you everything the organizers don't want you to see:

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Escalate Live: The Secret Tape from Photogzilla from Photogzilla Rockstar on Vimeo.

Escalate Live: Streaming Live, Kinda Not

PZN is not responsible for the claims and constant plugs of books, workshops, and services throughtout the Escalate Live presentation.


Live TV : Ustream

Escalate LIVE Gravy Train Diverted, Speakers May Seek Real Work

New development: PZN has been keeping a close eye on ticket sales, and with only 26 days left to sell tickets priced at $256.22, the organizers of Escalate Live have sold ONLY 220 tickets. This is a far reach from the 600 seats of cash flow Dane Sanders & company were looking forward to pocket. With numerous attendees jumping off after realizing this train was taking them and their wallets for a ride, they are looking to sell their prematurely purchased tickets to someone who doesn't mind lining the pockets of people that rely on taking advantage of those too naive or blinded by savvy marketing. Many more have lost interest in the event and more so, have lost respect for the speakers of this event.

PZN may have already taken out all the hot air that part time photographers Dane Sanders, Chris Becker, Jasmine Star, David Jay, and the rest of the company were planning on using to float across beautiful California blue skies with wads of cash in their pockets. Dreams of starting a seminar that would could someday become a lucrative cash flow for the speakers who could use a controlled platform to promote their own products, services, and workshops to an unsuspecting audience, assuring an annual pay day for giving inspiration speeches without much substance. A private little WPPI if you will. Only this time, a handful of part-time wedding photographers/full-time motivational speakers & bloggers would be collecting bags of booty as they made their way to the banks.

PZN asked Photogzilla for a comment on the pathetic ticket sales for an event with less then 26 days away.

"This is a clear sign that professional photographers everywhere are far more intelligent then these speakers give them credit for. Hard working people don't want to waste their money on fluff, and they're sending these 'self-proclaimed leaders' a clear message that they cannot be taken advantage of anymore. This gravy train on biscuit wheels, thinly disguised as some kind of educational seminar, is now coming to a slow grind before it has even left the station. My objective from the beginning was to educate the masses about these unethical and veiled techniques these people are using to make money. This is a big step in helping our industry realize it needs to realign back to the thinking that hard work and dedication based on a solid foundation is what is required to be successful as a photographer."

PZN will continue to keep a close eye on any new updates and whether the organizers will cancel the event. We do know for a fact that the speakers have had numerous discussions on how Photogzilla has thrown off their entire plans and have been redoing their speeches and presentations in an attempt to salvage their reputation. However, what is worse is that none of the speakers have responded to Photogzilla's numerous attempts to get even a comment. No one from Escalate Live seems to really care what people have to say and simply block anyone from following them on their Twitter page that they don't agree with. We feel that if you are a person has who has chosen to lead a public figure life, you cannot ignore the public that questions you and be selective to keep as an audience only those that you are able to fool. Photogzilla commented, "Not only did most of the speakers block me on Twitter, even @EscalateLive blocked me for asking some tough questions. David Jay even called two people 'clueless' for asking why doesn't he respond to questions. These people have some really huge egos and history teaches us this is the downfall of many."

PZN knows all of the speakers have been keeping a close eye on Photogzilla, because the organizers have even changed the iStock micro stock images they were using on a...wait for it....photographer's conference! One of them went out and took a few snaps to change around things on the Escalate Live website. PZN broke this news to our readers in an earlier report how EscalateLive had used a selective coloring image. What's really sad is that the images being used now are actually far worse in quality then the iStock photos. Photogzilla fell out of his chair when he saw the new images, "And these are professional photographers?? Can't even take high quality images themselves? What is wrong with these people?!? The humanity! If you DON'T know how to take professional quality images, what are you doing teaching a conference about photography? I guess, when your best is just not good enough as a wedding photographer, you become a motivational speaker for other wedding photographers. This is such a train wreck."

Now, the PR minds at Escalate LIVE have decided to offer a live stream for free. The speakers are trying utilize any method they can to salvage their reputation, so they'll do anything to save their public image. Here is Photogzilla again.

"This is another clear sign that Dane and company are desperate to save themselves. They are going to try to play this giveaway free seminar to gain points from sympathizers. It's just so sad. What's even more moronic is what they will have to do with the 220 people that HAVE bought a ticket already to attend what is now a FREE seminar. Who's the moron running this train wreck?? Oh yeah. The speakers. I think they need to focus on their wedding photography business. They apparently aren't making enough money on that, so their wasting everyone's time and money on this recycled and regurgitated garbage. I can tell you right now, they have changed their entire presentation to NOT plug their products and are going to try to look like angels by trying to give away a free presentation. They should just cancel the event and go home. Cut your losses. Focus on becoming better photographers or seek another line of work. Don't try to be the next Tony Robbins, who I might add is who Dane & company have been ripping off and plagiarizing. Oh, and did you know that line Jasmine always says 'I'd rather fail at something I love then succeed at something I hated' that you hear at every seminar she speaks at...She says her husband JD said it to her. Turns out, it's also ripped straight from the Cameron Diaz movie "What Happens In Vegas," where Cameron's character turns down her promotion in the board room scene. Go check it out for yourself. Unoriginal. Fluff. Empty motivations. Just full pockets with money from deceived photographers who trusted these people. Very sad."

If you would like for the speakers to respond, ask them on Twitter by pasting the following: @DaneSanders @_DavidJay @JasmineStar @JessicaClaire @theBecker Why are u ignoring legit questions from @Photogzilla - http://bit.ly/aATAN7

We also invite our PZN readers & Photogzilla followers from Twitter to take our poll to see what should happen next.

Escalate Live Sitting Down or Walking Out

Dear Escalate Live Speakers: PZN has received numerous requests from concerned photographers who have either bought a ticket to Escalate LIVE or were thinking about going but have now changed their mind. Some are even trying to get a refund or sell their ticket to some other poor chap. They are really worried and would like to know exactly what are they getting for letting each one of you make over $10,000+ to just talk about yourself for 2 to 4 hours.

Chris Becker - Besides the blow me pose and how to throw network parties, what else will you talk about?

David Jay - Can't remember the last time you shot a wedding. But you're great at quoting others. Do you plan to just plug Showit Sites?

Jasmine Star - You sound pretty busy most of the time. With the blog, JD, and the dog. Besides ghetto fabulous marketing, what else do you have planned to discuss?

Jessica Claire - We have a pool going to guess how many times you will say Shootsac during your speech, mention your own wedding, and talk about Jose Villa.

Dane Sanders - Will you plug your book, your ownership of OSP forum, investment in Showitfast, or even when is the last time you shot an actual wedding. Now you're just an 'author' of 'Fast Track Photograher?' 

Jerry Ghionis - Really? What are you doing at this thing with some of these people? We're slightly confused. What do you plan on talking about?

Jeremy Cowart - You spent a lot of time with Britney Spears. That must have been fun. Everyone else is a wedding photographer. You're like the third wheel. It almost feels like you're supposed be the different dish on the table for the sake of being different.

One other simple simple question for the speakers of Escalate LIVE:


In 2009, how much did you gross for shooting weddings and how many did you shoot?


We know all of the speakers are very nice people. We just don't know how honest some of them are, exactly how justified this money making seminar really is, and most importantly, how much value is it for a paying attendee? As seasoned photographers are professing, they would NEVER recommend this seminar to any photographer, newbie or not. Why do you think professionals who have been in this business for years not supporting this cash cow seminar?


After all, many people used to think Tiger Woods was as good as they come. Boy, were they wrong. Image & branding can really fool many people. Unfortunately, the photography industry has more flocking sheep then actual professional photographers. And sadly, there are some 'self-proclaimed leaders' that are clearly taking advantage of many of these people.


We would also like to know why with over 10 hours and 43 minutes still left in Tier 1 ticket discount pricing did you have a 'Sold Out' status marked on the following purchase page? The reason we ask is because we know, and you well know, that you still have not sold 300 seats at the stated time or even now, as 300 is the exact number of seats that were made available at Tier 1 pricing. Was this done to create a sense of urgency? Is this part of some strategy to sell more tickets by creating false demand? 

This above example just shows us ticket buyers have a justifiable reason to question the organizers about this event.


So, if you're one of the speakers, go ahead comment to this post.


If you have a detailed syllabus for topics to be discussed, please share. We know you wouldn't take people's money without giving them something to value. So share the details.


Photographers, newbie or not, don't need to pay for inspiration. That's like cans of hope; all you get is hot air.


For all you photographers out there: know someone who's thinking about going to this event? Spread the word by Tweeting the following: 


RT @photogzilla Why z @escalatelive refusing 2answer HARD questions: Creating FALSE DEMAND? Ask WHY, leave comment: http://bit.ly/b1DdOO

Keep stalking Photogzilla Rockstar!

Escalate LIVE & Dane Sanders, An Exclusive Interview With Photogzilla

Photogzilla Rockstar has been thoroughly confused since the inception of EscalateLIVE went public just as we at PZN have been, along with many wedding photographers deciding whether they should even flush down the money to go. It was only a few weeks ago that Colonel Sanders (aka @DaneSanders) began promoting the baajesus out of @escalateLIVE. Along with his co-speakers, who have garnered an army of Twitter 'followers' (yes, that word should make you really go into some deep thought as well...followers, sheep, flock, herd, the list goes on), they started to tweet that people should get excited about and follow @escalateLIVE, a two day speaking event targeted at wedding photographers.

Our interest was certainly piqued and we knew for sure the same was true for our resident chief, Mr. Photogzilla Rockstar. So PZN decided to track down Photogzilla and get his thoughts on the event.

PZN: Mr. Rockstar, could you share with our readers what your first reaction was upon seeing all of the speakers begin their online promotion marketing campaign through Twitter and other social networking avenues?

PHOTOGZILLA: My first reaction you ask? (laughs) I was like, 'Holy shit!' Are these people [Colonel Sanders & Company] really that stupid? Everyone has just come back from spending close to a thousand dollars, leaving their families for a week, and going to Vegas to listen to all of these same people at WPPI. What moron would schedule this event in their right mind, right after WPPI?

PZN: But Mr. Rockstar, scheduling aside, isn't their some value to this event?

PHOTOGZILLA: To be honest, I really can't seem to find it. Besides the words 'inspire' and 'inspiration' constantly being thrown around, there isn't much to go on. For blessed baby Jesus' sake, there isn't even a syllabus or subject matter even detailed on their site. How do you sell $250 tickets to an event without knowing what you're even getting?? Just take a look at this [slips us a the following image]

PZN: Okay, what are we looking at here? It just looks like a simple schedule for two days. Speaker 1, 2, 3, etc, some lunch, and there's a countdown thing on the right, which kind of tells us like we better jump on the bandwagon so we don't miss out. Kind of like when we're buying concert tickets at TicketMaster for our favorite rockstar's show. Mr. Rockstar, we are a little confused by this page.

PHOTOGZILLA: Exactly. It's promoted like its some rock concert to Lady Gaga or something. It's part of creative marketing and PR. Dane Sanders has been famous for his subliminal marketing techniques, along with some of the other speakers involved in this event. Quite confusing schedule isn't it? This is the schedule details from Escalatlive.com's own website. There's no concise outline about what exactly is being taught. From what I gather with the motivational name and escalator taking a person to the next level in a mall, it's just a make you feel good conference. There is no earth shattering knowledge you'll gain by going to this. Period.

PZN: So what is the value of going to this conference?

PHOTOGZILLA: None. There is absolutely nothing that makes me want to spend hundreds of dollars to go listen to people tell me their life stories or motivate me. My motivation comes in the form of a mortgage bill every month. I need to make the benjamins so I can live. These speakers will be sharing the same stories that are on their blogs and online videos that will be simply rehashed for a paying audience. The only difference will be it's live. Kind of like going to church for inspiration when the manual [bible] is sitting at home gathering dust. Sorta like, most photographers that are trying to find out the secrets to taking great photos, when all they have to do is start with picking up their manual and knowing their equipment inside and out. Then just go out and practice like crazy everyday. And if you want to become a wedding photographer, lower your ego and go 2nd shoot for a year or two to really refine your skills and build up a solid REAL portfolio of REAL brides. Not paid models at a workshop that is staged.

PZN: That's an interesting point you bring up Mr. Rockstar, about photographers needing to focus on the actually photography and not motivational talks. Why do you feel so strongly about this?

PHOTOGZILLA: Isn't it the photos that matter to our clients at the end of the day? If you produce shit, you better correct that first. I don't give a shit how ghetto fabulous your marketing is, the only people that are really paying attention to your Twitters and blogs are OTHER photographers looking on in envy. By the way, isn't envy one of the seven deadly sins? Hmmm...ironic statement since so many of these self-proclaimed leaders are supposed to be Jesus abiding followers yet try very hard to make sure they're in the limelight, but I digress. As I was saying about fab-type marketing, just look at Scarlett Lillian. Her ghetto fabulous marketing is just sad. Any self respecting photographer that knows the craft will look at her work and immediately say she does not know enough to qualify her as a professional photographer. And there are many imitating to be just like her, just as she was imitating other self-proclaimed leaders in the industry. This industry has just become a constant pool of imitators and not creators of anything original or uniquely their own.

My point is that people, not real photographers, don't truly know their craft and are not seriously learning the basics of photography. You can't go out there and call yourself a pro photographer when you don't even know the dynamics of the technology you're utilizing in your hands. You can't go out there and say, 'Oh, I don't know Photoshop cause I just use actions' or pop on a 50 1.2 and say 'go shoot wide open for awesome blurry effects' & call it a day. They don't know why they are doing what they're doing. They are just imitating what they read and use it all day. That's not photography. And that's not art. Kinda like baking a Betty Crocker cake mix and then saying 'I made this cake.' No you didn't make the cake, you just opened up a box and cracked two eggs. Photography is just like becoming a real cook. You need to be able to bake a cake from scratch, understanding what and how the ingredients play into the sum of the whole.You need to understand the chemistry before you can call yourself a professional.

PZN: So aren't today's workshops teaching the 'culinary' skills required to become a pro photographer?

PHOTOGZILLA: (Laughs so hard, he farts) No way! Most of these are just teaching people what isle the cake mix box is sitting in and which flavors they, the instructor are using. They are saying, 'Go to this store, pick up these actions, pick up these lenses, pick up this Shitsac, pick up a pack of these Shitdomain website, and follow all of my friends on Twitter who sell this prepackaged stuff.' Everyone wants to make the quick buck. What is there left then to differentiate you from those weekend warriors undercutting the real professionals? There is NO turnkey solution when it comes to learning ANY profession without sacrificing the time to learn the fundamentals.

PZN: We're confused Mr. Rockstar. Why are these so called self-proclaimed leaders promoting these types of workshops & seminars that won't really help a persons skill set?

PHOTOGZILLA: Greed. Make money anyway you can. Even if it means its at the cost of taking money from honest people that are a little lost in this industry because they are just new to the photography business world or even just business itself. You have to have a skill or product to sell. You don't go to an interview without the right credentials and say 'Hey, I can do this job cause I'm motivated & inspired.' You have to walk the walk. That's why I say, most of today's so called wedding photographers, including some these 'self-claimed leaders,' would fail if given a Photography 101 exam. Would you feel comfortable going to learn from a professor that couldn't take his own quiz?

PZN: That's very interesting and sad at the same time. You mentioned imitators earlier. What did you mean?

PHOTOGZILLA: Well, besides the obvious imitating of style and the actual photo another photographer took, you have these less known people across the country in every city having meetings with other photographers to imitate the jockstar lifestyle. The self-proclaimed leaders are doing a disservice because others are thinking that what they do is the same thing they have to do in order to become famous or popular in the industry. They want to be recognized, so they try to make a name for themselves by having a networking get together, and one guy or girl will get up and just regurgitate everything they heard from a workshop they wasted $99 on. In turn, everyone in attendance thinks this persons knows their stuff and begins to look up to them. In fact, this person is not even looked up to and respected for their actual photography skills. Just an organizer who knows how to invite people to a party and managed to fake it till he makes it. 

What's really disingenuous is all this person has done is make themselves more known to 20-30 people without contributing any original thought or ideas. It's a waterfall effect. Hear something from these so-called leaders. Repeat it downstream to others. Look important. Be popular. Where's the reminder, 'Hey, do you know your skill set as a photographer?' It's become a race to become popular so you can become a sponsored speaker or paid endorser of some camera bag or an album company. Even athletes spend years in order to prove themselves to be great at a sport before they gain fans or sponsorship. It's the reverse with the current state of our industry. Become popular first, then worry about being good at your sport later.

PZN: Wow. Never did look at it that way. You make a very solid point Mr. Rockstar. So do you think Colonel Sanders is qualified to be teaching this two day workshop?

PHOTOGZILLA: Like I said earlier, what are they even teaching? If inspiration is it, I say pick up a self help book or go to church. Don't waste your money. In regards to Dane Sanders teaching any kind of photography seminar, I honestly don't think so. The guy is a community college professor that took a few notes from his textbooks and plagiarized the stuff into his own book. It's funny that he even named it after a toll road in Orange County called Fastrack that he drives on. It just floors me how original this guy is.

PZN: But isn't he a professional wedding photographer who other wedding photographers can learn from?

PHOTOGZILLA: That's funny you call him that. Can you remember the last time Dane Sanders was referred to as a 'wedding photographer?' Or do you even remember one of his Twitter updates being about shooting a wedding? I certainly don't. No one even knows how many weddings he shot in 2009 alone. And if he did shoot any weddings, how much revenue did he make from his wedding photography business? I mean, if you're laying out all this inspiration and great model to follow, show me the motherfuckin money man. This applies to ALL of the speakers at this event, any workshop, or seminar. That's what tells me at the end of the day that your shit works and I need to listen to you. Money talks. Bullshit walks.

PZN: So are you saying Dane Sanders is one of the speakers that should not be teaching a seminar on wedding photography?

PHOTOGZILLA: You don't have to take it from me. Colonel Sanders KNOWS he's not good enough to teach a workshop. More so, the irony is Dane even tells people they shouldn't go to a workshop. It's just amazing the hypocrisy and the self evident ironies that come out of his own mouth. Take a look at these two videos for yourself. Dane does all the talking. 

Here's what Colonel Sanders says about going to seminars/workshops in his own words; don't go. Ironic because he stands to profit the most for organizing and promoting EscalateLIVE. Look at what he says between 1:05 and 1:20:

Why settle for a little life from Dane Sanders on Vimeo.

PHOTOGZILLA: If you missed it, Dane said, "Everything you need is already inside you. This is a true statement. It turns out you actually don't need to go to anymore workshops about photography ever. You don't...The point is, everything you need, you have." I couldn't have said it myself Dane Sanders.

PZN: Mr. Photogzilla Rockstar! He...he....he just said don't go to any workshops! That just turns the entire EscalateLIVE event on its head and goes against Colonel Sanders' philosophy. What is this?

PHOTOGZILLA: We call this flip-flopping for the sake of greed. But I'm not done yet. To answer your question is he good enough to teach a workshop, he himself admits he wouldn't have been able to be a speaker unless he organized this event himself. Good point indeed Colonel Sanders. Take a look for yourself from their sadly produced EscalateLIVE promo video with the Becker. Watch 5:12 to 5:23:

Escalate LIVE- Episode #2 from Dane Sanders on Vimeo.

PHOTOGZILLA: Let me quote him again in case your eyes need to read the actual words. Dane said, "I figured that the only way I could ever really get on this ticket is if I created the event myself." What I really like is how The Becker responds with the most honest statement I've ever heard come out of his mouth, "Well, hey, you did it and that's good for you...And I think it's going to pay off." Just look at the Beckers face as he turns and takes in the view of the theater seats as he says "pay off." I'm fully convinced the Becker was doing the math in his head about what the actual pay off will be for filling all 600 seats. Oh, yeah. This event will definitely 'pay off' nicely for a few people for selling inspiration without much substance. And this pay off is for the Dane and the speakers. The facts can't be denied.

PZN: Wow. Just wow Mr. Rockstar. This is quite disconcerting. How much money are they going to make from this seminar alone?

PHOTOGZILLA: Yes, it is very upsetting isn't it? Confuses everyone that watches it, especially when it comes out of their own mouths. Well, I did some conservative calculations myself. The Lido Theatre is a one screen theatre that rents out its space often for private events and meetings. This one theater only holds 600 people. Here's my breakdown so far:

Lido Theatre rents out its space at $1000 per hour and includes all audio/visual/and staff support required to run a meeting. EscalateLIVE presale price per Tier 1 ticket to first 300 with fees is $184.47. If the first 300 physical seats sell out with Tier 1 pricing and then the remaining 300 at Tier 2 pricing, that's Tier 1 $55,341 + Tier 2 $78,866 = $132,207 dollars in gross sales. When you deduct the cost of the rent of the theatre, which will likely be negotiated a bit from their normal $1,000/hr rates, you're around $12-15,000 cost for the two day facility rent. This means your roughly around $115,000 after subtracting rent. Now, that's the bare minimum with the current data we have. They are also planning on selling it on 'Pay-Per-View' by streaming it online. How much revenue will be generated from these online sales is another factor to consider. More then likely, they will also be profiting from selling DVDs recordings of this event. 

There are minimal expenses like travel for some of the speakers, but that's a drop in the bucket, along with some turkey sandwiches, mini-bags of chips, and some cans of Diet Coke from The Becker's trip to Sam's Club.

I just also want to mention, there are people spending hundreds more, if not over a thousand dollars, flying in from other countries and states to go to this event. They are plunking down more money to attend, not to mention the money they've already spent in going to WPPI. These are not the economic times to be taking advantage of these strapped for cash business owners. Look at me, I have to work at my part time job at a drive-thru just to make ends meet. But I do eating free food at work, I won't lie [Grins].

From my calculations, each speaker stands to make a minimum of $10,000 for just inspiring photographers with their personal biographies and plugging the "tools" you will need to ahead. Dane Sanders could be profiting more as the producer of the event. Also, just watch what tools they'll be plugging. Products that the speakers are owners/producers of and/or belong to their close friends. David Jay & will plug Showit sites. Dane Sanders his lack luster plagiarized book. Becker will plug his silly B School. Jessica Claire will plug her sadly designed Shootsac. The list goes on. 

Should they make money? Sure, why not. It's capitalism. People sell crap all the time and poor suckers buy into it. But this is part of the underlying problem known as the fleecing of America. Is all this inspiration information free and available on their sites, blogs, in other forums, and in books? Of course. Are you learning to improve what's really required from your knowledge of photography to have a strong foundation for the service you provide? No.

So there you have it. 

I hate to cut this short guys, but I need to get back to work. The drive-thru is probably backed up by now.

PZN: Mr. Rockstar, thank you so much for taking the time out of your day and sharing your insights. We really appreciate it.

PHOTOGZILLA: You guys better appreciate it. This is the weirdest interview I've ever had to give. I mean, who follows a guy into a public bathroom stall and starts asking questions? You guys are just nuts and will do anything to get a story!

PZN: Yes, sir! We'll do whatever it takes to share the truth with all of the professional photographers we love and help them make a more informed decision to better the industry that belongs to them! We don't want anyone throwing away any of their hard earned money.

PHOTOGZILLA: Yeah, yeah. Whatever. Anyway, can you just throw over some toilet paper or even some newspaper. I'm all out over here.

PZN: On a final note, PZN wants to leave you, our readers, with the following image. We honestly assumed, as professional photographers would agree, that selective coloring was dead. Apparently not.

This image is from the home page of EscalateLIVE website. These pros are keeping the trend alive. Apparently, with at least 9 PROFESSIONAL photographers with a bunch of cameras on hand, not one of these 'pro' photographers had enough creativity to produce their own image for their own event. We are truly saddened and surprised, as you will be, to learn that this image is from iStock microstock photo services. Photozilla just yelled from behind the bathroom stall, "WTF? That's just pathetic!":

Keep stalking Photogzilla Rockstar!

The Triangle of Seduction

PZN is proud to release its first short story, "The Triangle of Seduction" by our resident author Photogzilla Rockstar.

*All characters appearing in this work are fictitious. Any resemblance to real person, living or dead, is purely coincidental. All grammar and spelling mistakes are not meant for teachers to grade.*

It was a dark late night. Jessi sat there with a glass of wine thinking about how she could make an impact on the world, but mostly in her sad bank account. She was at a crossroads thinking about what in life she would be good at. She had began to wonder about her interest in photography and how she could make a gazillion dollars. Of course, weddings! How hard could it be?

Fast forward in time. She joined FDW (For Da Win, an online photographer's forum) and was reading and soaking in all the knowledge she could. Pretty soon, she realized everyone was quite the whiner, complained, and had the egos of an ox. "Wow, what a bunch of idiots," she thought, "That's okay, I'm going to get what I can and get the hell out of here."

Armed with some basic knowledge of the lightest camera to use in her small man hands and where to get stuff printed, she knew she had to network. Ah, network. That was the key to her's and everyone's success throughout history. Know the right people, and you can really go places. She had already made a few connections through the forum but also had heard some of the names that were being thrown around.

Being online, the internet was like a baby and no one quite knew what it would be when it grew up. Some realized its potential while some didn't. Regardless, everyone knew this was going to be changing the way people interacted with others as email had already become a primary source of communication. Small business website were just beginning to take shape as HTML was being learned by an entirely new generation. A few photographers were taking advantage of this online presence, including one guy living in Apple County.

As Jessi took stock of all the connections she had made, she knew she had to take some drastic actions and find someone who could help her go further. There was this guy named Mickey who had also faked his way into the industry trying to get some pricing information from this one guy, who went by the name The Pecker. After that, The Pecker tried to help out Mickey learn the ropes. Mickey never realized the Pecker was going through some sexual confusion and was attracted a little to Mickey. Regardless, Mickey and The Pecker continued their friendship, even though the Pecker was hoping either A) He could score with Mickey or B) Mickey would help The Pecker score with anything with a pulse merely by association.

Jessi had heard of and seen The Pecker. Now Jessi knew The Pecker was a bit overweight and had pretty bad eating habits. However, this wasn't going to stop her from being a successful business woman. She was willing to do whatever it took to get her magic kingdom of fortune.

The Pecker had his own path to success; having a large mouth like a good salesman, he had made himself known by coming up with an ingenious plan of using one name to brand himself. After all, who couldn't remember a name like The Pecker? The other thing he had going for him was what he referred to the blow me pose. Every person he would shoot, he would tell them to crouch down on the ground to his waist level, turn side ways, and look up. This pose would be trivial in his success on the art of posing in his own workshops in the future, as well every single person he would shoot professionally or for personal use (At the time of this report, this single pose is still being used by The Pecker as well as others. No other poses have been taught).

Now, some might wonder, "but how did The Pecker get the name the PECKER?" Good question our fellow readers. The one thing many don't realize is what they actually DO realize. Especially our female readers. If you didn't know The Pecker The Known Photographer, according to our scientific survey, most women find him quite a turnoff and some even went as far as saying they would not even pay him any attention without his 'branding.' And why do women get this uncomfortable feeling? Well, many can profile his personality by instinct alone and some by conservative principles. The Pecker's lifestyle includes junk food and gambling...a lot. Not very damning, however, before his attempts at wedding photography, he had a dark secret no one knew about it. The Pecker had tried his luck with another interesting subject matter: pornography. In hopes of scoring with hot easy women on the casting couch, The Pecker was shooting pornography to make a living. As many know now, that didn't quite work for him as he found wedding photography to help pay the rent. Apparently, he was not able to focus on the job, but more importantly, The Pecker has always had a hard time getting women to take their clothes off.

As Jessi and The Pecker became friends, Jessi knew in the back of her head she needed to secure The Pecker's loyalty & support. As time went on, she used what she had as a woman to seduce The Pecker's needs. It had been quite some time since any woman had seen him naked, and of course, this wasn't going to change. Not exactly at least. Jessi herself wasn't exactly what one would refer to as quite comfortable in her own skin. She didn't care; she'll do whatever it took to make her mark. Just turn off the light and neither one would have to actually see the other.

After a night of drinking and pretending to enjoy the game of poker, she finally seduced The Pecker. He had not had certain gratification in ages, except when he had to pay for it, so she knew what he wanted. At first, when she saw him without clothes, his love for junk food was more then apparent. She had to sacrifice and put her discomforts to the side. After this one occurrence of one sided satisfaction and The Pecker rolling over & passing out, she had secured a closer relationship with The Pecker...and his pecker...taking her name to a broader audience. She could now name drop The Pecker in all her blog posts and other daily activities they would be involved in. She had been accepted into the circle.

As she continued to build a personal relationship with The Pecker, what she didn't know was that The Pecker was himself securing a relationship with another photographer. Her name was Eli Seats. Eli also wanted to secure a financial future, but didn't have the public appeal or presence. Only an average wedding photographer herself, she had to come up with a way to help herself to some cha-ching. At this point, both The Pecker and Eli were going to use each other to get ahead.

The interesting twist comes from the fact Eli was keeping an eye on Jessi as well, even though both women were sleeping with The Pecker at the same time. This didn't matter to each woman as greed kept their focus on their goals. Jessi had been blogging like a mad woman, even posting photos of rusty fences, worn down doors, and dead flowers to garner any kind of daily attention to her blog. Eli seduced her as well, knowing full well she had to keep her hands down the pants of both the Pecker and Jessi. At this point, it didn't matter that The Pecker was sleeping with Eli, Jessi was sleeping with The Pecker, and an unconfirmed report still, Eli being inappropriate with Jessi. Jessi had also realized Eli's talent as a businesswoman with the necessary financial backing needed.

With one hand in each cookie jar, Eli & Jessi convinced each other while drinking cans of beer that a bag could be made using the same can coolers they were using. Photographers, especially women, could be fooled into thinking that by placing an ugly attractive pillow case cover to customize each bag, they could make millions. After getting an old neoprene surf suit from their friend Mickey the surfer, they went to work. With the backing of their network circle who were doing their own part to fool the masses, they managed to get their friends to begin talking about how wonderful this $3 in materials bag was worth spending $150 for. They proudly called it the WetSac. Even though many complained about its inferior sad design and even damaged lenses, the marketing & perceived 'rockstars' endorsements helped drown out all of the negative reviews. Jessi was ecastatic by the sales, but Eli was over the moon. Eli's stake was earning her a nice nest egg, but just not with Jessi. Now it was time to play her Pecker card as well.

Eli and The Pecker had been talking about starting an online forum for wedding photographers together. Sure all of the information and education photographer's needed was free and available in many forums online already, but they figured if the mass of photographers were sheepish enough to pay $150 for a can cooler bag, they would be willing to pay $120 a year subscription to feel like they were getting some break neck information. A few short months later, Eli and The Pecker released "The P Class." To new photographers, the slick website looked like it could help them market themselves, even though they didn't have a solid technical knowledge or experience about the craft of photography. However, amongst themselves, The Pecker and Eli joked about how moronic people were to pay for already free information. They didn't care people weren't fully trained or experienced photographers, they were going to teach them how to fake it till they made it. Of course, they would never disclose this in public, but amongst themselves, they were laughing all the way to the bank.

As time went by, The P Class showcased talentless photographers that came to promote their own workshops, such as Scarlett Clueless and Stephen Nutthsac. Of course, all of these photographers were exposed later on as being frauds and were never seen again.

Jessi, Eli, and The Pecker had created a small marketing pyramid to promote their products and services. Eli had a stake in both of them, making twice the money both were making. The triangle of seduction was a success, and Eli was loving every minute of her master plan. The Pecker realized this and knew he would have to commit to an ongoing relationship with Eli in order to secure a financial future. He managed to convince her he would always wear clothing around her and only be naked with the lights off. She reluctantly agreed, knowing she needed his loud mouth and branding just as much as he needed her now.

Things were beginning to look like bliss and joyful in their little fantasy land of duping photographers of their money...but this was all going to change. There was a storm brewing they never expected at a new news network called PZN. Change was in the air...

What will happen next? What will this PZN Network uncover? Stay tuned for part 2 of our short story as the drama continues to unfold in....The Triangle of Seduction!

Part 1 of "The Triangle of Seduction" was brought to you with limited commercial interruption by a grant from the @thebschool and @shootsac, who will also each donate $10,000 to an orphanage in Haiti.