Thursday, November 4, 2010

Bargain: Jessica Claire Overpay for BullSh*t Workshop, $1500 for 3 Hours (Shoot for Sh*t)

One of our staffers in the office has been getting a lot of scam emails from Nigeria. He even tried to go through one hoping he would make $15 million dollars for helping a dying old man move some money from an off shore account. Sadly, after losing $3,000 via Western Union to some guy in Nigeria, our staffer learned the hard way. So to avoid making the same naive mistake, we helped him install a superduperfly scam-spam email filtering software. This software is 100% accurate and does a wonderful job of making sure our naive staffer doesn't get duped again by sending all scam-spam mail to the junk folder. There is only one issue; emails from his mom somehow get marked as spam because she emails him every morning to make sure he got into work okay and brought lunch. So the staffer has to go through the folder each day to make sure he didn't miss anything from his dear mother.

Earlier today, as our newbie staffer was cleaning out his Junk Mail folder, he came across this very important spam mail from Jessica Claire. It appears she is also holding workshops in the off season to supplement her Shootsac habit. The desperation in her tone seems to indicate she may be in dire straits.

We at PZN want to help Jessica out with her efforts to make a quick BIG buck off of naive photographers out there willing to fork over upwards of $1500 that may be lying around your house or saved up for a rainy day. Don't be selfish; if you can give more, we encourage you to also purchase two or three of her amazing 3-can cooler bags, the Shitsac. And don't you dare complain these are over priced sewn neoprene bags at $179.

Please see below the spam mail she sent out earlier this week, in what we believe is the original unedited version forwarded to us after our editor Photogzilla went through to remove parts where Jessica spoke about herself in third person.

Happy Whatever The F*ck Day It Is!

As wedding season winds to a close and we head into booking season and the new year, it's time for me to focus on making insane amounts of money from naive moms with cameras so that I can make enough to keep Shoosac afloat through next year! I am so excited to announce that from now until the end of the year, I will be accepting SHOOT FOR BULLSH*T (aka PAY FOR BULLSH*T) private consulting sessions! These sessions will be offered for as long as I can get away with it and will be scheduled one after the other if I'm lucky and you're stupid enough!

What's the Scam?

Between now until newbie photographers wise up, I have three types of sessions available (all sessions take place in Orange County, where all high ballers live):

SKYPE THE BULLSH*T:  ONLY one hour Skype consulting session:  $400

SHARE THE BULLSH*T:  ONLY one hour, in person consulting session over lunch (at Jack In The Box and on me):  $500

SHOOT THE BULLSH*T:  3 hours, one hour of consulting over lunch, a one hour shoot (you can model if ur not fat or ugly so I can actually blog about you, or I will have to get a good looking model, couple or family), and one hour of processing where I just run some Photoshop RAD actions:  $1500

OK, I Want To Be Suckered.  Now What?

In order to schedule a session, all you have to do is send an email to with the following information:  Your name, your blog or site, the type of session you are interested in wasting your money on, and the approximate time frame you'd like.

The Skinny for the Scam To Work:

You are responsible for the information you receive during your session because I'm only there to collect my money and give you canned answers!  Please come prepared with questions, topic, work, or anything else you'd like to discuss in order to get the most out of my time because I have to go shopping with your hard earned money asap. The more prepared you are with questions and the things you'd like to discuss, the faster I can stop wasting my time with you!  No topic is off-limits, and I will answer any question you have to the best of my recollection from everything I picked up over the years from more skilled photographers on the DWF forum.

You must book and schedule your session between now and the end of the year (the session must take place within that time as well).

Full payment will be due at booking for SKYPE & SHARE sessions. For SHOOT sessions, half is due at booking, and half is due the day of the session. I'm very sorry, but no refunds are available once you realize all the answers you got from me were nothing special and won't help you further your photography nor your business, except my own.  If you need to reschedule your session for any reason, you may reschedule one time for another date in 2010 subject to when I'm not Twittering from my dog's account.

The Smoke & Mirrors Hookup:

If you book ANY session between now and the end of the year that will take place before the end of the year, I'm going to make it look like your getting a bargain by taking off a measly 10% off the price!  You may ALSO bring one other gullible and naive person with you to any of these sessions so you both can split the cost, but still be able to bitch together on how I ripped you BOTH off.

Thanks so much everyone, and I look forward to taking your money soon!

xoxo (do I sound cool, like Gossip Girl??)
jessica claire

Did you or someone you know take a workshop from Jessica Claire? We want to hear from you. PZN asks you share your experience in the comment section below so others can make an informed decision.

Read recent related workshop scams: Jasmine Star & YWD Magazine "A Girl In A Chair" Workshop Review

Keep Stalking The Real Rockstar...Photogzilla!
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