Saturday, October 9, 2010

Top 20 Reasons You're Probably A Rockstar's Asshole and Not A Rockstar Photographer

You've seen them. They pollute the Twitter air with their trash, their friend's trash, and anything else they can pile on to stink up your social network time online. We're talking about people that you wish you could say something to, but were too afraid to say something and come off rude. The problem is, these people are quite self serving, and not trying to genuinely connect with you. And you know it.

The PZN staff is hanging out in Newport Beach, California doing very little shooting (surprised? no one really does around here), so we had some time to compile this list of top 20 asshole behaviors of photographers on Twitter. Why asshole? Well, this word seems to be thrown around a lot these days. You may recall some photographers from California are actually using this word a lot these days. So we thought, why not?

Without further ado, here we go.

You're a Rockstar's asshole if:
  1. You tweet about the last 2 seats left at your workshop while all seats are still available.
  2. You retweet about someone else's workshop with only 2 seats left.
  3. You use "my friend" when @mentioning someone you're only an acquaintance with, if that.
  4. You @mention D-class celebrities that you were the 5th shooter for. (Even then, its a D-list!
  5. You tweet about your email inbox in hopes people believe you're in demand.
  6. You have automated tweets of quotes by other people set to repeat every few hours.
  7. You're fighting with people on Twitter between your automated tweets.
  8. You tweet every positive press you get, even though you know your clients won't see it on Twitter, but only photographers.
  9. You retweet every other asshole's positive press, secretly believing the person you're retweeting might like you.
  10. You tweet #FF lists you've saved of people every Friday to cradle ballz, in hopes they return the favor.
  11. You don't use your real last name because it cheapens your brand value.
  12. You use 'The' in front of your last name.
  13. You endorse people on Twitter because you are butt buddies, not because your objective.
  14. You mix religion with your place of business, Twitter bio, Twitter feed, etc, that you actually believe won't polarize people of other faiths because they're going to hell anyway.
  15. You actually have the word 'Speaker' in your Twitter bio.
  16. You actually have the word 'Leader' in your Twitter bio.
  17. You block people on Twitter for questioning your self regarded greatness.
  18. You actually believe in your head that blocking people on Twitter is like a restraining order.
  19. You use Twitter as a marketing platform for your photography business for clients, but 99% of your followers are photographers.
  20. You actually believe you're a Rockstar photographer, but the guy at Taco Bell only asks for your order and not your autograph.
We started with top 10 but couldn't help but cap it at 20. We know there are plenty more.


EDIT (the ones we forgot):
21. You say "Goodtimes" after every tweet. (Thx @maloman)
22. You also say "Goodtimes" because you saw another asshole tweet it.
23. You announce you booked a destination wedding, but don't share that you're losing money on it.
24. The 150+ emails you just announced were mostly Facebook status updates from friends (Thx @analogepilot)
25. Your tweet includes the word "stoked."
26. You announce on Twitter you just booked a wedding.
27. You tweet a link to your latest blog post review on equipment you borrowed/rented.
28. You say things like "I love love!" or "I love Weddings" or "...for Fabulous People" in the profile (Thx @blifestyles)
29. You post blogs about internet courage wondering what all the fuss is all about (see Doug Boutwell).
30. You post a video on your blog about how you support the internet courage post and try to deflect by calling others 'retarded' and 'assholes' (see The Becker video and image above). (Editor's Note: The PZN staff has received numerous emails from our readers indicating they were offended with the word 'retards' Chris Becker used in the video he posted, along with his sad attempt to downplay and discredit anyone saying anything critical, which can be viewed here.)

If you're not picking up the theme here, it's quite obvious so many people really dislike the fakeness, a.k.a 'asshole behavior.'


Have one you wanna share? Which one is your favorite?

Go on with your bad self and tell us in the comments.

Keep Stalking Photogzilla!

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Internet's Courageous Photogzilla Ballz: Doug Boutwell & Friends Want Some

PZN was mailed this blog draft copy that Doug Boutwell (pronounced butt'well we think) reportedly wrote, but never published. We couldn't figure out why after comparing what he actually posted on his blog, because we really agreed with this version below. We also have to warn you that both Doug Boutwell and his friends, like the Becker, use profane language like its their job. Please make sure your kids are illiterate so they can't read this:

"The other day I became so bothered enough about a trend in the photo community to sit down and write some thoughts about it. Plus, my Ridiculous Asinine Dipshit (RAD) Actions aren't selling so well since people are actually figuring out how to brighten & over saturate their own photos, and also that my west coast friends aren't plugging me enough. So I'm writing this blog post to get some much needed attention and buzz. I know that by even getting two sentences into this article, I’ve already let the terrorist-Photogzilla-Rockstar win, but like the old lady from the Burger King commercial said: “Where's the beef?”

Twitter, Facebook, and the blogosphere have their own special breed of ball cradlers and narcissistic morons, and I'm no exception. Personas that exist solely for the purpose of intimidating, ridiculing, and generally tearing down anybody who dares to question self proclaimed leaders who's only intention is to be in the spotlight. I privately fancy myself and my friends as some sort of innocent angels of charity, guiding the inured newb sheep away from the eye opening anonymous voices that expose the elite-wannabe opportunists. I see the Photogzillas of the world as Twitter terrorists that are out to destroy the stage my friends built with fancy business cards. I am just like the self-styled close friends of mine, defending them because we have business relationships where money is constantly changing hands and ridiculous plugging of my products (Remember: 'A' is for asinine) all over and spend our time taking pot-shots from behind online blogs, sparing no opportunity to cross-defending friends who are disillusional enough to call themselves industry leaders.

Sure, secretly, I admit that the pointed barbs of truth and cynical jabs are GTFOH (Editor Note: Get The Fuck Out Hilarious), and definitely on point. We all could use a bit of reality when we aren't shooting much, so we resort to selling fluff workshops, actions, books, and anything that a naive newb will buy. Anyone that knows me, like my close friend Becker, Jessica Claire, and anyone else I hang with in the OC, knows that I only rant and bitch about the world in acronyms because I'm too big of a pussy to spell out GTFO (Editor Note: Get The Fuck Out). But at a certain point, the truth begins to represent the kind of worldview that makes me and my friends, literally, a loser. If all you Photogzillas are pointing out the problems, and all our self-proclaimed heroes who include starting words in their Twitter profile as "Leader," "Speaker," and then maybe include "photographer," are your villains, it has a tendency to drag our platform of easy money making down.  Devoting an entire website or Twitter account to burning our shit down isn’t just depressing, it points how dysfunctional we are at our photography business. It's true; time we spend blocking and ignoring all of you instead of confronting the reasons behind the lashing, we're NOT spending doing something productive, like actually taking photos.

To be more succinct – toddlers cry and hit things when the world turns on them and exposes their stinky diapers they've been wearing around while selling moronic books and workshops, giving speeches of empty motivation and no real learning of the craft (trust me, I have OC friends).  Adults, like Photogzilla and all those 'phony' Twitter accounts, figure out how to expose the real phonies so we can fix it. They take time away from their real photography business, get up off their asses and work at making the world a better place. If all you do is bitch and moan, and call those that call you out "assholes,' you’re basically a FBAP (Editor Note: Fucking Bitch Ass Pussy), like my junk food addict pal, Chris Becker (Editor Note: aka 'The Becker,' The Pecker,' 'Principal of Dropouts A-Many B-School'). Check out his moronic rant where he basically calls anyone who follows Photogzilla an asshole:

 

Of course, no ANONYMOUS people spend 100% of their time calling out all of my circle of friends or others trying to profit from people's ignorance, or they wouldn’t have any real photography businesses to run. The fact is most of the friends I'm defending act as if they still are in high school. That delusion is an important social construct in their minds for them to function everyday. With being online, their true social worth is removed and they can bedazzle themselves into popular high school rockstars with some fancy blogs. Most of us are faking it, but some of our real side leaks out, and we get angry when people realize we're the ones who are actually peeing in the pool and biting off more than we can chew. We thought it was kinda cute at first, but like kids, we're still throwing fits and now owning up to how little we have to offer. After all this, it’s grating and exhausting I'm sure to listen to my friends and other phonies repeatedly just sound like motivational hot air. For me, endless stream of cynicism is long past due and I realize, well deserved.

Furthermore, the real way to build a better world is not to concentrate all your energy on tearing down the people that criticize and call out my friends and others who are only after fame.  If you’re angry at the Photogzillas, channel that anger into something positive and start by unblocking people like him. Ignoring others is equal to saying your opinion is not important. If you don’t like the way your position in the industry is questioned, take positive steps to make it better. Shine the spotlight on your criminal ways of conning people, instead of trying to hate on Photogzilla for calling your ass out.  Tell people how little you know about photography & the industry, instead of focusing on how they should buy your book or actions to help them fasttrack to pro levels of rockstardom. Champion people that challenge and question you, instead of ridiculing and ignoring what they say. That’s how true leaders act; they embrace their weaknesses along with their strengths; the good, the bad, and the ugly. If you don’t like people like Photogzilla, then don't be arrogant and ignore them. There’s no use ignoring the problem that people like my friends are perverting the industry.

Yes, dialog needs to happen. When industry leaders step out of line, anyone, anonymous or not, DOES have a responsibility to call them on it. When the emperor is naked, the Photogzillas of the world should absolutely tell them so. Someone needs to be checking the kool-aid before we all drink it, cuz we've been drinking and passing it on for far too long. But it’s a slippery slope for my narcissistic buddies because it’s too easy to turn into a negative asshole like how Becker, David Jay, and others who rant about being bullied and told we're 'naked.' Sure someone should give many of these self proclaimed leaders a time-out for taking it too far. If you've ever gone to a workshop or bought one our products, didn't get much out of it, then went out and actually learned the craft of photography and business, then realized how full of shit we were, then you probably know you what I'm talking about. And if we egomaniacs can’t be bothered to stand our cash flow disappear and be discovered like the Wizard of Oz, I can’t imagine why anyone ever gave us credibility in the first place.

So I’m officially calling out all my friends, David Jay, Dane Sanders, Becker, and other cynics on the interwebs, both in and out of the photo world. Stop behaving like children and trying to be the post popular kid in high school. If you are so passionate about photography, go and actually shoot and stop trying to make money off of naive newbs who don't know any better. Otherwise, STFU and GTFO.  And by the way, your motivational powerpoint slideshow could use a change. It's been like 5 years."

PZN Editor: Like we said, we like this version of Doug's post better than what he published. What do you think in comparison? See the original here.




Keep Stalking Photogzilla!
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