WPPI 2012 Cheat Guide & Reviews - Who To See, How Much To Drink, Who To Avoid in 2012

As thousands of broke photographers descend into a drunken stupor over the following week, we should keep in mind there are a few who are actually in Las Vegas to learn a thing or two at the WPPI 2012 convention. Baby Jezuz knows. We at PZN and our chief sexy aren't one them.

So the information we're about to share is to help those that are kinda serious about getting their learn on. And also for those who want some scientific quantitative computational hard data for the bricks we drop on some of the speaker idiots that make it through the cracks. Thru the cracks of ass kissing, that is.

Last year we took a survey of the WPPI 2011 speaker performances to give a report card for attendees to use as an honest cheat guide to see who's worth our time while in Vegas. Cuz no one else will. And mainly because the organizers at WPPI give off the impression that they don't really give a shit about feedback. Just look at the some of the morons they allow to speak. As long as rent is paid. A profit is turned. And they can afford to do it next year. A large population of WPPI attendees will be newbs. In fact, every year WPPI bets on it. They want to draw the unquestioning type of herd. A herd they can control and excite. The cash cow, if you will.

Are we hard on WPPI? We have to be. We are paying consumers just like our own clients. If you are providing a service of education, make sure your educators are worth the price of admission and not just a profit margin of inspirational fillers.

Regardless of which attendee category you fall into, without further ado, the following are the results of some of the speakers from last year's attendees surveyed. Some speakers just didn't get any feedback at all. That blows, but maybe for the next survey. Until then, take a look at the report cards below. The people have spoken.

Our sexy Photogzilla calls this the...

WPPI 2012 CHEAT GUIDE USING THE WPPI 2011 SPEAKERS SURVEY RESULTS

TO HELP SPEND YOUR TIME WISELY AT WPPI 2012

AND TO EDUMACATE SPEAKERS

WITH SOME VALUABLE FEEDBACK

DATA

*speakers are listed in ABC's by first name

*notable pros and cons follow each report card

______________________________________

PROS:

"Well organized presentation"

CONS:

(none submitted)

________________________________________________________

PROS:

"Very willing to help"

"Friendly"

CONS:
"Plugging other and her own products constantly"

"Nonstop infomercial like product plugs"

_________________________________________________________

PROS:
"I will say he's confident."

CONS:

"Full of himself"

"Shamelessly promoting himself and his B school"
"I could sum up his entire speech in about three sentences. 1. Befriend other photographers - it is a good thing 2. Network/promote your business to the friends/family of existing clients. 3. Hmmm..I think two was it, LOL! The two pieces of advice are good advice, but I have heard him say those things before on his blog at least 5+ times (probably more but I stopped reading his blog awhile back)."

__________________________________________________

PROS:

"Educated in her field and has a great business plan..."

"Beth really understands her market, how to market, and how to photograph seniors. She has solid work, and a good understanding of how to create the upsell. Her presentation gave me a lot of ideas on how to improve my package offerings to increase sales."

CONS:

"...that will really only work FOR HER. It was too specific and too tailored to her town that there was no logical way any metropolitan photographer would be able to emulate it."

"Would have liked a better explanation of how she created her packages and determined her pricing structure."

_______________________________________________________

PROS:

"Bobbi was very enthusiastic about the subject material"

"super funny"

"the were sincere, endearing"

CONS:

"WAY TOO EFFING enthusiastic about the subject material. Jumping around and screeching like a monkey in heat, is probably the best analogy i can make"

"This was their first time speaking...seemed as if they were nervous... Things went from bad to worse. Yet had index cards.. And would take turns speaking... Maybe in an effort to be organized but it came across as very robotic. They are AMAZING photographers... But Not so amazing in the speaking department. They are also genuinely great people.. From what I can tell... Not interested in becoming rockstars.. Just interested in photography..."

OTHER COMMENTS:

"I sincerely hope people do not use their platform class to reflect on their photography. They are two totally different things"

"their presentation was such a mess it was hard to follow...shame because I adore their work."

_______________________________________________________

PROS:

"Helpful, confident, entertaining, highly honest, motivating and moving"

"Cliff has real world experience and is a true pro. He even made several references to the crap speakers at wppi. He did plug his workshops, but announced it as a plug, gave the plug and then ended it quickly with an apology."

"Extensive variety in presentation of images built credibility. Instead of just showcasing 5 great images from the same event. Great use of light in images to demonstrate shooting technique. Didn't plug products--I didn't leave thinking I need to own that thing to be a better photographer. His work did leave me inspired to improve what I see."

"Very little plugging of products...gave away two bags and that was about it. Emphasized image quality and understanding of the technical aspects first and foremost. Great sense of humor."

CONS:

"Told is straight, so entry-level people who don't know their gear might be offended. Which is good. If you don't know what you're doing, don't do it."

OTHER COMMENTS:

"I couldn't believe he didn't pack the room. Unreal. All the other photographers were at the women in photography thing happening. Probably the biggest mistake they made at the entire conference."

"He had some of the audience in tears at the end while he showed and explained his favorite recent images."

________________________________________________________

PROS:

"Damon has a direct, humorous presentation style. He weaves joke and humor into his content"

CONS:

"Not an appropriate session for an established professional, but just fine for someone who needs to learn how to light"

__________________________________________________________

PROS:

"Practical knowledge and proof of that knowledge given. Easy to listen to, high energy and genuinely nice people"

_______________________________________________________________

PROS:

"Very Inspirational!"

"Very interesting to hear from a photographer who shoots only (primarily) in film"

"The difference between inspiration and imitation was stressed, along with the need to collaborate effectively with your subject."

"Most qualified in terms of experience and image quality"

CONS:

"Lots of slideshows. We can see her work on her website."

"290,384,320,989,038,410,948 slideshows of her work, very little actual speaking about it, and for someone who shoots primarily with film. I want to hear about that"

"Used too many slideshows."

"She doesn't give ANY real/helpful/practical information unless asked. It's nice to be inspired but we're there to LEARN"

"IT WAS WAY WAY TOO HEAVY on self promotion. If I wanted to see her website I would've stayed in my room. I love her work and heard good things about her platforms from years past. This was NOT a good experience"

____________________________________________________

PROS:

"hey gave VERY GOOD business advice on how to run a real business, how to track your budget, what you need to know to survive, hiring staff, sales, packages...a few photoshop tips! GOOD STUFF!!"

CONS:

"long slideshow of their images. GAAAA!!!! 3 minutes would have been more than enough to show the kind of work they do...ended class with more photos that went on forever"

_________________________________________________________

PROS:

"Very passionate without being ridiculous. Clearly stated where she made mistakes & how she improved"

"She clearly has a family/children niche and an ability to market and sell with specific products. LOVE that she greeted everyone at the door"

CONS:

"Maybe a little too oriented towards the 'Mom With A Camera' type"

"she was way too emotional, was crying about a story that we didn't even know yet. Seemed like the only trick up her sleeve was Millers cards"

"I left. Along with many others"

__________________________________________________________

PROS:

"well organized and confident"

"There were some good quotes he mentioned from other photographers."

CONS:

"Very smug."

"I felt like he was condescending to this audience."

OTHER COMMENTS:

"said some things that were just absurd, like, 'photographers aren't artists. They are above artists. Whenever someone calls me an artist, I get offended because I'm better than that'...A lot of his presentation came from other photographers, like John Szarkowski. (In fact, I can't recall what part of his presentation was an original thought of his own). Really? You're just going to read someone else's book for your whole lecture? Couldn't you just email us the PDF and we could read it at our leisure? If there was one overall theme of his presentation it was that he was better than everyone because he had a masters degree. At one point he recommended taking 6 months off without picking up the camera to take any pictures at all. He suggested this because that's what he did at one point in his life and the day he picked up his camera after those 6 months, he was magically a better photographer than he had been before. Wait, did I hear him say these things to a group of hobby photographers in Witchita? No. This was at WPPI where working professionals go to find out how to make genuine improvements to their technique and business. this sounds very harsh. Now I am starting to feel bad about writing this."

_____________________________________________________

PROS:

"great speaker on blogging"

CONS:

"should be teaching at a blogging convention on how to create an sensationalized online persona instead of at a photography convention."

"really not impressed with the values placed on materialism, fake ghetto fabulous persona, and fake sweetness. a bit over the top"

"Seems unsure about what she knows...repeatedly corrects herself before she even has said anything...in case she's wrong...over and over...talks like she doesn't want to be liable for her advice"

"comes off unoriginal...sounded like she memorized a church sermon or self help book"

"very disappointing...sounds sweet but comes off clueless more than as a confident pro"

______________________________________________________________

PROS:

"Best speaker EVER at any WPPI I have attended"

"She 'F-ing Rocked It'...No Rockstar bullshit to contend with. Inspired me on many different levels"

OTHER COMMENTS:

"She made me cry like a baby"

_________________________________________________________

PROS:

"Weird and inspiring all at the same time"

"Did not learn anything technical but I was inspired to make shoots with my clients more of an experience they will enjoy and never forget."

CONS:

"Weird!"

"first hour was extremely boring, but after about 90 minutes he got into the meat of the topic"

OTHER COMMENTS:

"I left when he started to sell his product at the end. Beloved is basically a fancy way of saying 'anytime shoot.' Not sure what the value is in buying his product."

______________________________________________________

PROS:

"Genuine excitement for photography and his clients. Obviously in it for more than the money, and seems to really enjoy the process."

CONS:

"Too many slideshows"

"Too many photos put me to sleep"

___________________________________________________________

COMMENTS:

"John is the Photogzilla of WPPI speakers."

___________________________________________________________

PROS:

"Didn't just show us his work, say which famous person was in it, and show us the next photo. Took time to tell us why each photo looked that way. And how he achieved the look. The first class I didn't want to take a nap through, even after being awake for 26 hours"

"Excellent giveaways: (FIND workshops, film, RPL)"

"Jon honestly knows the business. He knows the difference between an f stop and a bus stop. Many people in the business don't have a technical clue. This guy really knows what he's talking about. He is also extremely humble."

"Honest, open and to the point. No BS."

"answers all questions, and is an open book"

CONS:

"I wish there was more time in the class to continue on listening!"

"A few too many give aways. It's cool, because I got a pro pack of portra 220, but I don't like all the interruptions from the body of the discussion."

"Too short. I wish Jon had more time to keep talking."

_____________________________________________________

PROS:

"Actual advice from actual experience."

"stuff that could actually be applied"

"This kid is going places."

CONS:

(none submitted)

___________________________________________________________

PROS:

"Fun, cheerful, and had a lot of great new ideas."

CONS:

(none submitted)

OTHER COMMENTS:

"A lot of great tips in a short period of time."

__________________________________________________________

PROS:

"Loved her ideas and marketing tools and promos. Lots of information. Very honest"

CONS:

Some of her tools were not relevant to me but I am sure others found them useful"

__________________________________________________

PROS:

"Kevin Jairaj and JVS have two very different lighting styles and they both use different equipment so the presentation was full of different techniques to use in different situations. It was great to feel like I got more than my money's worth. Sort of a two for one. Two different lighting gurus for one low price :) JVS also showed us how to use two different lighting set-ups in the class"

" talked in very specific language about exposure settings. Beginning photographers would be in over their heads with the technical knowledge presented. Photographers not used to using Radio Poppers or Wizards to control strobes would get lost but those of us that know were mesmerized"

___________________________________________________________

PROS:

"She was energetic and enthusiastic"

"Excited to speak"

CONS:

"Spent most of her time giving away stupid prizes and talking about promotions and then giving away the templates she had used. She spent very little time giving real information or useful suggestions on how to be profitable. It was annoying and I left after one hour."

______________________________________________________

PROS:

"My favorite platform class of WPPI"

"Louis was genuine...great teacher, sharing valuable knowledge and information with...attendees"

"Very easy to understand and inspired me through his words and passion for photography.

"spoke from his heart, truly wanting to help the people sitting under him become better photographers. Two years in a row I have walked away from his presentations with laughs shared, tears shed, inspired, informed and changed"

CONS:

"No cons!"

"would take his workshop in a heartbeat if more affordable"

_______________________________________________________

PROS:

"Personality was a bit odd...but delivers the goods in the end, very informative and enlightening"

___________________________________________________________

OTHER COMMENTS:

"We left early due to the "Pretentious Attitude" of speaker. The $100K watch comment & who needed one followed by "I own one" had my wife darting for an exit"

__________________________________________________________

PROS:

"knew what he was talking about"

"was actually useful"

CONS:

"don't like his hair"

________________________________________________________

PROS:

"very meat and potatoes...lots of great tips and real-life advice"

"Not a single plug during his presentation. At the end he mention his website and that he will be doing workshops in the future and that was it. He was the only speaker who didn't whore a product. He didn't BS either, he said hard work and 'perfect' practice will get you success. I love how he dissected images to evaluate them and decide if the image is good or just mediocre. He had a chart that he uses in his evaluation for when he takes a photo and he also uses it when he judges the print competition"

"by far the most informative speaker at WPPI"

____________________________________________________________

PROS:

"confident"

CONS:

"Couldn't stay on track. Took WAY too many questions during the presentation and got derailed"

OTHER COMMENTS:

"This was absolutely the most valuable session I attended at WPPI 2011"

_________________________________________________________

PROS:

"She seemed down to earth, wasted NO time with a 'history of my career' speech and provided tons of useful info"

"Loved that she got to the point and made it practical!!"

"to the point, incredible speaker...shared relevant how to advice"

CONS:

"Would have loved some info on post production - but with time given, probably wouldn't have been possible"

"I wish it was longer"

OTHER COMMENTS:

"Possibly my favorite speaker at WPPI this year - and one of the most helpful to my growth!"

"she was by far the best speaker at WPPI...she was organized and well spoken...her images are inspiring and I love that she is all about the images and not about being a rockstar"

__________________________________________________________

As you can see, there are a pool of very good speakers at WPPI that are worth the price of admission. And there's also piss in the pool. So avoid those piss-poor speakers.

Hope you enjoyed this little cheat sheet. Have fun at WPPI. Party hard. Drink up. Cheers.

If you have your official Photogzilla T-Shirt...Wear it. And keep your eyes peeled.
Photogzilla will be wearing his at WPPI 2012.
So if you see someone passed out in the MGM lobby...it's probably him...if you're a hot girl, give him mouth to mouth. All others...get him a bottle of water.

Keep Stalking Photogzilla

Survey was available for the following speakers and compiled painstakingly with the data provided by participants. Not all speakers were responded to. Maybe for the 2012 survey...if there is one. This was a pain in the ass to compile. So appreciate it. And buy Photogzilla a drink when you see his sexy ass:

WPPI 2011 Speakers:

Bobbi & Mike, Lindsay Adler, Suzette Allen, Kevin Ames, Jared Bauman, Becker, Jules Bianchi & Joy Bianchi Brown, Clay Blackmore, Gary & Pamela Box, Sue Bryce, Joe Buissink, Jonathan Canlas, Bambi Cantrell, David & Quin Cheung, Sal Cincotta, Bob & Dawn Davis, Jack Davis, Jesh DeRox, Jerry Deck & Sondra Ayers, JP Elario, Nancy Emmerich & Rose Coleman, Kay Eskridge, Rick Ferro, Deanne Fitzmaurice, Beth Forester, Mike Fulton & Cody Clinton, Jim Garner, Jerry Ghionis, Greg Gibson, Michael Gilbert, Doug Gordon, Mitch Graf, Michael Grecco, Michael Greenberg, Jason Groupp, Craig Heidermann, Gene Ho, Bruce & Josh Hudson, Jennifer Hudson, Vincent Isola, Kevin Jairaj & JVS, Andrew Jenkins & Jackie Palmer, Kenny Kim, Julieanne Kost, Kevin Kubota, Jill LaFleur, Tamara Lackey, Mike Larson, Lisa Lefkowitz, Rodney Lough Jr., Justin & Mary Marantz, Cliff Mautner, David McLain, Elizabeth Messina, John Mireles, Dave Montizambert, Patrick & Amina Moreau, Lori Nordstrom, Bryan O'Neil Hughes, Louis Pang, Jessie Pavlics, Sarah Petty, Blair & Suzanne Phillips, Jared Platt, Me Ra Koh, Jamie Schultz, Dawn Shields, Ken Sklute, Brian Smith, Jasmine Star, Susan Stripling, Jeffrey T. Medford & Ross Hockrow, Eddie Tapp, Vicki Taufer, Damon Tucci, Roberto Valenzuela, Anthony Vazquez, Jose Villa, Kirk Voclain, Alan Weiner, Ron Wyatt

Ask Jesh De Rox How You Too Can Get High For Only $16,500

Jesh De Rox. What the hell happened to you? That's the question we were asking in our minds last night. In fact, we've been wondering that about Jesh for years now. And we know thousands of photographers have been waiting for our beloved Photogzilla to chime in. Yes. Pun intended right therrr. And more puns to follow. Cause we can't help it.

So some quick background for those who were confused when they checked into their beloved Twitter accounts yesterday. We had Zack Arias (@zarias) going off on Jesh de Rox (@jeshderox, #onedaywithjeshinstead) for offering a one day one-on-one consultation to photographers for the price of a pimped out Hyundai. We want to thank Zack for giving our sexy editor in chief the night off.

Jesh is a photoshop student who bought a camera some years back. He refers to himself as the crying experimental photographer. Ok. He doesn't refer to himself as 'crying,' but we take liberty in applying that. Cause he cries. A lot. Show him a girl in a chair. He'll cry. Show him a brick. He'll cry. Show him toilet paper. He'll cry. You get the point. So he's an 'experimental experientialiasticexpialadocious photographer.' You know. Like an experimental experientialiasticexpialadocious doctor. Experimental Experientialiasticexpialadocious lawyer. Experimental Experientialiasticexpialadocious paramedic. You have to pray things turn out at the end. And if it doesn't, it still does. Cause hey, just slap the word art on it and you're done. Right? In Jesh's case, a layer of dirty concrete with about 10% opacity. Oh hell. Take it up to 20%. Don't forget to play with the little color sliders. Go crazy. Um. Well. You decide. Anyway.

Over the last week or so, Jesh spammed emails across the vast internet inviting photographers to watch a live presentation he wanted to give about what he calls the Beloved. More on that in a minute. Where he got so many emails, that's a whole different question. From his Twitter, apparently over 3500 photogs registered to watch. It was password protected and all. Basic email address collecting for future marketing spam. No problemo.

The presentation was about a product he's trying to move. The Beloved Potpourri Box. It has dried up ferns, pine cones, berries, thistles, thyme, British Columbia weed, and maybe some oregano. Oh. And 30 4x6 photos printed on card stock as a bonus. There's some gibberish written on the back of each photo. "Blow in her ear. Now click the button." And "Stare into her eyes. Think about straddling each other. On a horse. Now click the shutter. Don't forget to cry." And our favorite "Tell the guy to put one of his hands in her shirt. Tell him to cup her. Tell her to close her eyes. Tell them both to pretend they are laying on a vibrating bed. Without any quarters. And their kitten died. Cry again. Now click the shutter." Things like that. So the photos give you some direction to give to the subjects. All for the bargain basement price of $295.

Now, we know there are morons who will pay that price for potpourri. But we think it's the BC Bud in the box that's really adding value here. Our take is if you did buy this box, you probably qualify for a slap thyself hard in thy beloved face. Or maybe we need a savvy drug dealer. But the fun doesn't stop here.

Of course, Jesh started talking about a movement of expressing emotion in a photo. A whole new genre of photography. Something that's never been done before. Over a 125 years of photography. And we don't understand how this wasn't thought of before. What a fucking revolution of epic proportion.

You take a photo. Then you explain to people what was happening. Without an explanation, it's just another, well, photo. Let's see some visuals. Shall we?

Sample 1 Beloved Session - This one is called "Man Hide Face Blow In Her Ear Oh Where's Your Hand Naughty Boy" 

Sample 2 Beloved Session - This one is called "I Lose Composition You Think It's Hilarious Wind Blowing Up The Hill Shit Fuck Shit I Lost Focus"

Sample 3 Beloved Session - This one is called "Think About How Jacked Up It Was Your Parents Didn't Let You Attend Your Middle School Halloween Dance"

To be honest. These photos don't make us think there's much of a revolution going on here. Oh. Yeah. So he added the word Revolution to the Beloved. Sadly, the marketing effort to stir up a revolution similar to Egypts recent actual revolution has fallen short. Photographers haven't exactly taken to the streets. But they certainly did last night on Twitter.

The beloved shit that hit the fan was when the normal come-hither-for-free-seminar-but-a-sales-pitch-at-the-end was coming to a close. Besides the products like the useless Beloved Potpourri Box for $295, Jesh pitched one of his workshops for a one on one consultation. Normally this goes for the already bargain price of $20,000, but if you act now, Jesh would spend an entire day with you, and maybe even throw in some fish tacos, for a sale price of $16,500. One. On. One. With. Jesh. De. Rox. Only for Sixteen Thousand, Five Hundred Dollars. Do we need to spell that out again?

WTF to the tenth power. Here's our sexy beloved rockstar, Photogzilla:

"I nearly fell off my beloved stationary 10-speed bike while watching Dancing With The Stars on my DVR. What the fuck can you possibly teach me in one day that could be worth $16,500? Perceived value is bull shit. Perceive my left nut please. While we have people who are trying to be a professional photographer walking around with glazed over eyeballs making emotional commitments to workshops and lessons being taught by braintards with less than a handful of years of experience (breathe), we have a high as a kite idiot fooling other idiots. Jesh DeRox needs a consultation with Jesh DeTox to clean out his system. I hope he's staying away from operating any heavy machinery. The asinine price cannot be debated. Don't even try."

We encourage a free market. People can buy whatever they want. They do all the time. But that's not the point we're making here. Services disguised as education fall extremely short as it is. From newbs to professionals, a bad idea is a bad idea. If it quacks like an idiot, it probably is Jesh-like people going on for hours and hours talking up fluff. Making little to no sense, hoping you get lost in the same psychedelic emotional feel good moment. And then take your credit card. There goes that shiny new lens you could have invested in instead. In this one-on-one case, about 2 pro DSLR bodies, 5 gorgeous lenses, a template website, and some business cards. Hey. You're a pro by nightfall.

We know for a fact that Jesh's approach to selling whatever he's selling is not only foolish, but unethical. If you don't want to actually sell the service, you put an ass-tronomical price on it. Maybe some big idiot fish will bite. However, we don't encourage anyone to participate in such misleading practices of inflated pricing to try to look important. When in fact you can't even deliver on it.

Some more unethical practices. It's done by not only fools we've talked about before, such as Dane Sanders (organizing fluff seminars that always fail) and Jasmine Star (stealing other photographer's work to market herself or using a fake last name to sound important), but Jesh is trying to be a little sneaky about it too. One would think original ideas would come from the person passing it along as his own. We've already discussed the original idea of the very legs Beloved stands on. Revolutionary idea it's not. Prove us wrong. Photogzilla welcomes a public debate. But PZ sexy does have a huge speaking fee. How about plagiarizing someone else's ideas and words to pass off as your own. David Jay's entire talks are nothing but lines he's taken out of self-help books. So Jesh giving an interview without even referencing his source so he could easily make himself sound smarter than the average bear shouldn't be so bad either. Ethical? You decide. How many other ideas has he ripped and charged others to regurgitate? Photographer Julia Bailey shared the following example:

Exhibit A from julia bailey on Vimeo.

Jesh ends with "one of the things I say." No sir. YOU don't say anything it seems like. You repeat what you hear. But nice attempt to make the idea sound like your own. You are bordering on the realm of fraud. Strong word. Don't worry. You're in good company.

Ironically. Our old friend Dane Sanders is in the same video too. Guilty by association. This is the Fasttrack master himself. So maybe Jesh's $16,500 can WarpSpeed you to the upper echelons of photography businesses everywhere. To the point you won't have to shoot EVER again. Dane Sanders hardly does. And neither does Jesh. At least we haven't seen any proof to the contrary. Jesh hasn't had a wedding client since September 27, 2008. 2nd WTF.

Ironic. So many of these workshop seminar overnight successful business in a Fasttrack Potpourri package sellers don't seem to shoot that much at all or have very little to qualify them as an experienced professional. Experience seems to have taken a backseat. Marketing and the number of social network friends & followers seems to be the measure of success. Not actual ongoing on the job experience. Let alone thousands of hours mastering your craft.

Is Jesh a nice guy? Sure. Everyone can be nice. Look at Photogzilla. He's super nice to every hot girl just so he can get into her pants. Nice means shit at the end of the day. Let's start practicing some humility in how we conduct ourselves as newb or pro photographers. Sure you'll make some money in the short term taking advantage of naive newbs. But at the end of the day, you fall into the category of asshole. If you genuinely want to educate others and charge for it, educate yourself til you bleed and then teach. Many years later. Many many years. Say at least 10,000 hours of on the job experience if you need to quantify/qualify yourself.

In closing, we would like to go ahead and let you know that Photogzilla is now offering an all day one-on-one phone consultation. He will talk your ear off for 8+ hours talking about his feelings, throw in a crying session or seven, and promise to follow you on Twitter. Regular price is $50,000. But first person to take advantage of this once in a lifetime opportunity will get the bargain price of $25,000. That's half off! He's even going to throw in a couple of male, female, or hermaphrodite strippers. Your choice.

Keep Stalking Photogzilla!

PZN Breaking News: The Lillians Found??

Wheeling, WV - March 24, 2030 - Twenty years after doing the wedding photography industry a huge favor by disappearing, sister and brother @scarlettlillian & @stephenknuth have turned up hiding in an isolated inbreeding valley located in the Southern Appalachia part of West Virginia. Back in 2010, a few short weeks after the couple was newly engaged, things came to light when Scarlett Lillian was giving one of her fraudulent workshops. One of the attendees asked what the term 'aperture' meant. Scarlett proudly nickered and neighed, then responded, "Oh, like, that's how much a lens costs." Stephen knowing Scarlett knew more about the Sham-Wow then photography, attempted to throw a Nerf football into Scarlett's mouth before she could answer. However, it arrived a split second too late. The damage had been done. Though the Nerf football had landed and fit comfortably in her mouth, all in attendance stared in horror & disbelief that such a novice person was even teaching a photographer's workshop. Scarlett quickly attempted to bribe the attendees with her engagement ring, but that failed as well. It turned out the ring Stephen bought to propose to his sister was a $100 cubic zirconia.

The news was first broken by PZN (PhotogZilla Network) within minutes. Days later, the infamous Hotshot Photographer's Pop Quiz was chartered to be given to all wedding photographers a week later. Hundreds were scheduled to be given the Pop Quiz, including @kennykim, who out of fear of being exposed of having no knowledge besides of Italian bread and had come to notoriety after winning the 2010 WPPI Guiness Book of World Records for the talent of being able to juggle the testicles of five grown men at the same time without them knowing it, was reportedly seen leaving on a flight to Korea disguised as a missionary. The Pop Quiz was given by veteran photographers @BambiCantrell, @jgarnerphoto & @david_beckstead, who themselves are now co-owners of the largest chain of family portrait studios "Matching Sweaters." (Speaking of Jim, Boda V24 was released yesterday with the all new built in collapsable photo booth; the Seattle Kiwi Green Mocha color has been discontinued).

The day of the Pop Quiz, after both Scarlett & Stephen could not get past the first question of naming the two largest manufacturers of cameras, they left their Shitsacs (aka @shootsac) behind at the test center and walked out, never to be seen again. Others who did complete the test, failed beyond the surprise of the WPPI members who were also present to witness. Failed Pop Quiz takers included hot-air talkers @danesanders & @_davidjay. WPPI was ashamed they had been duped for so long and fired their board for corruption & other charges of favortism (PZN is currently working this story). One notable test taker did surprise many though; @jeshderox managed to pass the Pop Quiz. Strangely though, only after filling out the answers in crayon & color pencils, he applied layers of transparency paper splattered with oil paint & carbon chalk smeared vignettes. Other Pop Quiz takers reported his eyes were blood shot during the entire period of what was supposed to be a 1 hour exam, which actually took Jesh 4 hours as he kept breaking into a guitar solo in between questions.

Fast forward to now, the year 2030. A few days ago, a young person walked into one of the "Matching Sweaters" chain studios located in Wheeling, WV for a portrait session. The above image was taken by one of the employees and forwarded to the PZN offices. We have confirmation from the employee at the studio who verified the ID, that the person pictured above is none other then the offspring of brother & sister couple Stephen & Scarlett Lillian. The offspring was identified as 'Stallion Lillian' per the driver's license, but no confirmation has been received whether it was a male or female as the person did not speak, but only neighed. The employee also confirmed the father of the strange looking creature was also present during the shoot to speak for the offspring and identified himself as Stephen Lillian. This is also proof supporting earlier reports that Stephen had indicated to close friends back in 2009 that he would take on Scarlett's last name in an attempt to gain more Twitter followers after his attempts had failed in securing a relationship with influential men, such as rapper Eminem, @_davidjay and @jessicaclaire, the creator of the now defunct @Shootsac (aka Shitsac). Some may remember reports of Jessica being arrested in the summer of 2010 for stealing neoprene beer can covers from Dollar Stores across California and using pillow case covers from Goodwill to assemble Shitsacs. Also, some may recall Shootsac finally declared bankruptcy following plummeting sales after consumers realized they could make their Shitsac bags with $3 worth of materials.

No further details are available at this time regarding any other Lillian herd sighting, however, a PZN news crew has been deployed to West Virginia, being safely driven by our veteran 20 year bus driver @thebecker (for those who remember, Becker was grounded by his mom to his basement and was never able to make any Pop Quiz test dates, yet u can still see him on www.theBretirementhome.com).

Stay tuned to PZN as new details develop. Share your news by following & DM'ing PZN.