Internet's Courageous Photogzilla Ballz: Doug Boutwell & Friends Want Some

PZN was mailed this blog draft copy that Doug Boutwell (pronounced butt'well we think) reportedly wrote, but never published. We couldn't figure out why after comparing what he actually posted on his blog, because we really agreed with this version below. We also have to warn you that both Doug Boutwell and his friends, like the Becker, use profane language like its their job. Please make sure your kids are illiterate so they can't read this:

"The other day I became so bothered enough about a trend in the photo community to sit down and write some thoughts about it. Plus, my Ridiculous Asinine Dipshit (RAD) Actions aren't selling so well since people are actually figuring out how to brighten & over saturate their own photos, and also that my west coast friends aren't plugging me enough. So I'm writing this blog post to get some much needed attention and buzz. I know that by even getting two sentences into this article, I’ve already let the terrorist-Photogzilla-Rockstar win, but like the old lady from the Burger King commercial said: “Where's the beef?”

Twitter, Facebook, and the blogosphere have their own special breed of ball cradlers and narcissistic morons, and I'm no exception. Personas that exist solely for the purpose of intimidating, ridiculing, and generally tearing down anybody who dares to question self proclaimed leaders who's only intention is to be in the spotlight. I privately fancy myself and my friends as some sort of innocent angels of charity, guiding the inured newb sheep away from the eye opening anonymous voices that expose the elite-wannabe opportunists. I see the Photogzillas of the world as Twitter terrorists that are out to destroy the stage my friends built with fancy business cards. I am just like the self-styled close friends of mine, defending them because we have business relationships where money is constantly changing hands and ridiculous plugging of my products (Remember: 'A' is for asinine) all over and spend our time taking pot-shots from behind online blogs, sparing no opportunity to cross-defending friends who are disillusional enough to call themselves industry leaders.

Sure, secretly, I admit that the pointed barbs of truth and cynical jabs are GTFOH (Editor Note: Get The Fuck Out Hilarious), and definitely on point. We all could use a bit of reality when we aren't shooting much, so we resort to selling fluff workshops, actions, books, and anything that a naive newb will buy. Anyone that knows me, like my close friend Becker, Jessica Claire, and anyone else I hang with in the OC, knows that I only rant and bitch about the world in acronyms because I'm too big of a pussy to spell out GTFO (Editor Note: Get The Fuck Out). But at a certain point, the truth begins to represent the kind of worldview that makes me and my friends, literally, a loser. If all you Photogzillas are pointing out the problems, and all our self-proclaimed heroes who include starting words in their Twitter profile as "Leader," "Speaker," and then maybe include "photographer," are your villains, it has a tendency to drag our platform of easy money making down.  Devoting an entire website or Twitter account to burning our shit down isn’t just depressing, it points how dysfunctional we are at our photography business. It's true; time we spend blocking and ignoring all of you instead of confronting the reasons behind the lashing, we're NOT spending doing something productive, like actually taking photos.

To be more succinct – toddlers cry and hit things when the world turns on them and exposes their stinky diapers they've been wearing around while selling moronic books and workshops, giving speeches of empty motivation and no real learning of the craft (trust me, I have OC friends).  Adults, like Photogzilla and all those 'phony' Twitter accounts, figure out how to expose the real phonies so we can fix it. They take time away from their real photography business, get up off their asses and work at making the world a better place. If all you do is bitch and moan, and call those that call you out "assholes,' you’re basically a FBAP (Editor Note: Fucking Bitch Ass Pussy), like my junk food addict pal, Chris Becker (Editor Note: aka 'The Becker,' The Pecker,' 'Principal of Dropouts A-Many B-School'). Check out his moronic rant where he basically calls anyone who follows Photogzilla an asshole:

 

Of course, no ANONYMOUS people spend 100% of their time calling out all of my circle of friends or others trying to profit from people's ignorance, or they wouldn’t have any real photography businesses to run. The fact is most of the friends I'm defending act as if they still are in high school. That delusion is an important social construct in their minds for them to function everyday. With being online, their true social worth is removed and they can bedazzle themselves into popular high school rockstars with some fancy blogs. Most of us are faking it, but some of our real side leaks out, and we get angry when people realize we're the ones who are actually peeing in the pool and biting off more than we can chew. We thought it was kinda cute at first, but like kids, we're still throwing fits and now owning up to how little we have to offer. After all this, it’s grating and exhausting I'm sure to listen to my friends and other phonies repeatedly just sound like motivational hot air. For me, endless stream of cynicism is long past due and I realize, well deserved.

Furthermore, the real way to build a better world is not to concentrate all your energy on tearing down the people that criticize and call out my friends and others who are only after fame.  If you’re angry at the Photogzillas, channel that anger into something positive and start by unblocking people like him. Ignoring others is equal to saying your opinion is not important. If you don’t like the way your position in the industry is questioned, take positive steps to make it better. Shine the spotlight on your criminal ways of conning people, instead of trying to hate on Photogzilla for calling your ass out.  Tell people how little you know about photography & the industry, instead of focusing on how they should buy your book or actions to help them fasttrack to pro levels of rockstardom. Champion people that challenge and question you, instead of ridiculing and ignoring what they say. That’s how true leaders act; they embrace their weaknesses along with their strengths; the good, the bad, and the ugly. If you don’t like people like Photogzilla, then don't be arrogant and ignore them. There’s no use ignoring the problem that people like my friends are perverting the industry.

Yes, dialog needs to happen. When industry leaders step out of line, anyone, anonymous or not, DOES have a responsibility to call them on it. When the emperor is naked, the Photogzillas of the world should absolutely tell them so. Someone needs to be checking the kool-aid before we all drink it, cuz we've been drinking and passing it on for far too long. But it’s a slippery slope for my narcissistic buddies because it’s too easy to turn into a negative asshole like how Becker, David Jay, and others who rant about being bullied and told we're 'naked.' Sure someone should give many of these self proclaimed leaders a time-out for taking it too far. If you've ever gone to a workshop or bought one our products, didn't get much out of it, then went out and actually learned the craft of photography and business, then realized how full of shit we were, then you probably know you what I'm talking about. And if we egomaniacs can’t be bothered to stand our cash flow disappear and be discovered like the Wizard of Oz, I can’t imagine why anyone ever gave us credibility in the first place.

So I’m officially calling out all my friends, David Jay, Dane Sanders, Becker, and other cynics on the interwebs, both in and out of the photo world. Stop behaving like children and trying to be the post popular kid in high school. If you are so passionate about photography, go and actually shoot and stop trying to make money off of naive newbs who don't know any better. Otherwise, STFU and GTFO.  And by the way, your motivational powerpoint slideshow could use a change. It's been like 5 years."

PZN Editor: Like we said, we like this version of Doug's post better than what he published. What do you think in comparison? See the original here.

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Escalate Live: The Secret Tape

Risking life and limb, PZN's own sexy chief Photogzilla went under cover this past Sunday to a secret meeting that was called the night before Escalate Live was to begin. After he managed to leave undetected, he was kidnapped by two assailants and driven all night to an unknown location.

After bribing his captives, he managed to escape and hitch a ride from a chicken farmer. His camera was lost amongst some hen cages, however, the farmer was kind enough to come back and returned it to Photogzilla.

Without further ado, PZN is proud to take you behind the closed doors of Escalate Live to show you everything the organizers don't want you to see:

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Escalate Live: The Secret Tape from Photogzilla from Photogzilla Rockstar on Vimeo.

Dane Sanders, The Becker, David Jay, Scarlett Lillian: A Lesson In Looking Like An Ass

Branding. You work your ass off creating one for yourself and your business. You want to have an appealing image that tells people your ass is successful, reliable, trustworthy, and just the whole kitchen caboodle of the century. All this is what makes people volunteer over their checkbooks to you...You're a freakin' rockstar and everyone wants a piece of your ass. 

Public Relations. This is the hand that wipes that hard working ass when it gets dirty or when you need someone to get you more ass. Funny enough, it also requires to kiss a lot of ass. Yes, there's certainly a lot of ass involved in public relations. Networking is also a part of this, so there's multiple asses available in one room at one time. 

Google Search Results. Your branding and public relation butt cheeks both come together to form a nice ass that can be seen by the world. You want great search results if anyone Google's your ass. You want your hard working ass to look fiiiiiine.

The Photogzilla Effect. When your egotesticle ass gets a well deserved reality check spanking and no furious, amazing SEO bullshitter, or PR can save your ass from the natural algorithms of the beast known as Google.

PZN is proud to share with our readers the result of what happens when your ego gets bigger then your ability to think logically, rationally, and most importantly, with good old common sense. We hope this lesson on The Photogzilla Effect helps save your ass in the future.

Chris "The" Becker Search Result on Page 1:

Dane Sanders Search Result on Page 1:

David Jay Search Result on Page 1: 

Scarlett Lillian Search Result on Page 1, Just For Ol' Shits & Giggles:

PZN Staff Pleading: For your own good, our entire PZN staff agrees that you just not mess with our sexy chief Photogzilla. Your ass will be grass if you step out of line. Just sayin.

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Escalate LIVE & Dane Sanders, An Exclusive Interview With Photogzilla

Photogzilla Rockstar has been thoroughly confused since the inception of EscalateLIVE went public just as we at PZN have been, along with many wedding photographers deciding whether they should even flush down the money to go. It was only a few weeks ago that Colonel Sanders (aka @DaneSanders) began promoting the baajesus out of @escalateLIVE. Along with his co-speakers, who have garnered an army of Twitter 'followers' (yes, that word should make you really go into some deep thought as well...followers, sheep, flock, herd, the list goes on), they started to tweet that people should get excited about and follow @escalateLIVE, a two day speaking event targeted at wedding photographers.

Our interest was certainly piqued and we knew for sure the same was true for our resident chief, Mr. Photogzilla Rockstar. So PZN decided to track down Photogzilla and get his thoughts on the event.

PZN: Mr. Rockstar, could you share with our readers what your first reaction was upon seeing all of the speakers begin their online promotion marketing campaign through Twitter and other social networking avenues?

PHOTOGZILLA: My first reaction you ask? (laughs) I was like, 'Holy shit!' Are these people [Colonel Sanders & Company] really that stupid? Everyone has just come back from spending close to a thousand dollars, leaving their families for a week, and going to Vegas to listen to all of these same people at WPPI. What moron would schedule this event in their right mind, right after WPPI?

PZN: But Mr. Rockstar, scheduling aside, isn't their some value to this event?

PHOTOGZILLA: To be honest, I really can't seem to find it. Besides the words 'inspire' and 'inspiration' constantly being thrown around, there isn't much to go on. For blessed baby Jesus' sake, there isn't even a syllabus or subject matter even detailed on their site. How do you sell $250 tickets to an event without knowing what you're even getting?? Just take a look at this [slips us a the following image]

PZN: Okay, what are we looking at here? It just looks like a simple schedule for two days. Speaker 1, 2, 3, etc, some lunch, and there's a countdown thing on the right, which kind of tells us like we better jump on the bandwagon so we don't miss out. Kind of like when we're buying concert tickets at TicketMaster for our favorite rockstar's show. Mr. Rockstar, we are a little confused by this page.

PHOTOGZILLA: Exactly. It's promoted like its some rock concert to Lady Gaga or something. It's part of creative marketing and PR. Dane Sanders has been famous for his subliminal marketing techniques, along with some of the other speakers involved in this event. Quite confusing schedule isn't it? This is the schedule details from Escalatlive.com's own website. There's no concise outline about what exactly is being taught. From what I gather with the motivational name and escalator taking a person to the next level in a mall, it's just a make you feel good conference. There is no earth shattering knowledge you'll gain by going to this. Period.

PZN: So what is the value of going to this conference?

PHOTOGZILLA: None. There is absolutely nothing that makes me want to spend hundreds of dollars to go listen to people tell me their life stories or motivate me. My motivation comes in the form of a mortgage bill every month. I need to make the benjamins so I can live. These speakers will be sharing the same stories that are on their blogs and online videos that will be simply rehashed for a paying audience. The only difference will be it's live. Kind of like going to church for inspiration when the manual [bible] is sitting at home gathering dust. Sorta like, most photographers that are trying to find out the secrets to taking great photos, when all they have to do is start with picking up their manual and knowing their equipment inside and out. Then just go out and practice like crazy everyday. And if you want to become a wedding photographer, lower your ego and go 2nd shoot for a year or two to really refine your skills and build up a solid REAL portfolio of REAL brides. Not paid models at a workshop that is staged.

PZN: That's an interesting point you bring up Mr. Rockstar, about photographers needing to focus on the actually photography and not motivational talks. Why do you feel so strongly about this?

PHOTOGZILLA: Isn't it the photos that matter to our clients at the end of the day? If you produce shit, you better correct that first. I don't give a shit how ghetto fabulous your marketing is, the only people that are really paying attention to your Twitters and blogs are OTHER photographers looking on in envy. By the way, isn't envy one of the seven deadly sins? Hmmm...ironic statement since so many of these self-proclaimed leaders are supposed to be Jesus abiding followers yet try very hard to make sure they're in the limelight, but I digress. As I was saying about fab-type marketing, just look at Scarlett Lillian. Her ghetto fabulous marketing is just sad. Any self respecting photographer that knows the craft will look at her work and immediately say she does not know enough to qualify her as a professional photographer. And there are many imitating to be just like her, just as she was imitating other self-proclaimed leaders in the industry. This industry has just become a constant pool of imitators and not creators of anything original or uniquely their own.

My point is that people, not real photographers, don't truly know their craft and are not seriously learning the basics of photography. You can't go out there and call yourself a pro photographer when you don't even know the dynamics of the technology you're utilizing in your hands. You can't go out there and say, 'Oh, I don't know Photoshop cause I just use actions' or pop on a 50 1.2 and say 'go shoot wide open for awesome blurry effects' & call it a day. They don't know why they are doing what they're doing. They are just imitating what they read and use it all day. That's not photography. And that's not art. Kinda like baking a Betty Crocker cake mix and then saying 'I made this cake.' No you didn't make the cake, you just opened up a box and cracked two eggs. Photography is just like becoming a real cook. You need to be able to bake a cake from scratch, understanding what and how the ingredients play into the sum of the whole.You need to understand the chemistry before you can call yourself a professional.

PZN: So aren't today's workshops teaching the 'culinary' skills required to become a pro photographer?

PHOTOGZILLA: (Laughs so hard, he farts) No way! Most of these are just teaching people what isle the cake mix box is sitting in and which flavors they, the instructor are using. They are saying, 'Go to this store, pick up these actions, pick up these lenses, pick up this Shitsac, pick up a pack of these Shitdomain website, and follow all of my friends on Twitter who sell this prepackaged stuff.' Everyone wants to make the quick buck. What is there left then to differentiate you from those weekend warriors undercutting the real professionals? There is NO turnkey solution when it comes to learning ANY profession without sacrificing the time to learn the fundamentals.

PZN: We're confused Mr. Rockstar. Why are these so called self-proclaimed leaders promoting these types of workshops & seminars that won't really help a persons skill set?

PHOTOGZILLA: Greed. Make money anyway you can. Even if it means its at the cost of taking money from honest people that are a little lost in this industry because they are just new to the photography business world or even just business itself. You have to have a skill or product to sell. You don't go to an interview without the right credentials and say 'Hey, I can do this job cause I'm motivated & inspired.' You have to walk the walk. That's why I say, most of today's so called wedding photographers, including some these 'self-claimed leaders,' would fail if given a Photography 101 exam. Would you feel comfortable going to learn from a professor that couldn't take his own quiz?

PZN: That's very interesting and sad at the same time. You mentioned imitators earlier. What did you mean?

PHOTOGZILLA: Well, besides the obvious imitating of style and the actual photo another photographer took, you have these less known people across the country in every city having meetings with other photographers to imitate the jockstar lifestyle. The self-proclaimed leaders are doing a disservice because others are thinking that what they do is the same thing they have to do in order to become famous or popular in the industry. They want to be recognized, so they try to make a name for themselves by having a networking get together, and one guy or girl will get up and just regurgitate everything they heard from a workshop they wasted $99 on. In turn, everyone in attendance thinks this persons knows their stuff and begins to look up to them. In fact, this person is not even looked up to and respected for their actual photography skills. Just an organizer who knows how to invite people to a party and managed to fake it till he makes it. 

What's really disingenuous is all this person has done is make themselves more known to 20-30 people without contributing any original thought or ideas. It's a waterfall effect. Hear something from these so-called leaders. Repeat it downstream to others. Look important. Be popular. Where's the reminder, 'Hey, do you know your skill set as a photographer?' It's become a race to become popular so you can become a sponsored speaker or paid endorser of some camera bag or an album company. Even athletes spend years in order to prove themselves to be great at a sport before they gain fans or sponsorship. It's the reverse with the current state of our industry. Become popular first, then worry about being good at your sport later.

PZN: Wow. Never did look at it that way. You make a very solid point Mr. Rockstar. So do you think Colonel Sanders is qualified to be teaching this two day workshop?

PHOTOGZILLA: Like I said earlier, what are they even teaching? If inspiration is it, I say pick up a self help book or go to church. Don't waste your money. In regards to Dane Sanders teaching any kind of photography seminar, I honestly don't think so. The guy is a community college professor that took a few notes from his textbooks and plagiarized the stuff into his own book. It's funny that he even named it after a toll road in Orange County called Fastrack that he drives on. It just floors me how original this guy is.

PZN: But isn't he a professional wedding photographer who other wedding photographers can learn from?

PHOTOGZILLA: That's funny you call him that. Can you remember the last time Dane Sanders was referred to as a 'wedding photographer?' Or do you even remember one of his Twitter updates being about shooting a wedding? I certainly don't. No one even knows how many weddings he shot in 2009 alone. And if he did shoot any weddings, how much revenue did he make from his wedding photography business? I mean, if you're laying out all this inspiration and great model to follow, show me the motherfuckin money man. This applies to ALL of the speakers at this event, any workshop, or seminar. That's what tells me at the end of the day that your shit works and I need to listen to you. Money talks. Bullshit walks.

PZN: So are you saying Dane Sanders is one of the speakers that should not be teaching a seminar on wedding photography?

PHOTOGZILLA: You don't have to take it from me. Colonel Sanders KNOWS he's not good enough to teach a workshop. More so, the irony is Dane even tells people they shouldn't go to a workshop. It's just amazing the hypocrisy and the self evident ironies that come out of his own mouth. Take a look at these two videos for yourself. Dane does all the talking. 

Here's what Colonel Sanders says about going to seminars/workshops in his own words; don't go. Ironic because he stands to profit the most for organizing and promoting EscalateLIVE. Look at what he says between 1:05 and 1:20:

Why settle for a little life from Dane Sanders on Vimeo.

PHOTOGZILLA: If you missed it, Dane said, "Everything you need is already inside you. This is a true statement. It turns out you actually don't need to go to anymore workshops about photography ever. You don't...The point is, everything you need, you have." I couldn't have said it myself Dane Sanders.

PZN: Mr. Photogzilla Rockstar! He...he....he just said don't go to any workshops! That just turns the entire EscalateLIVE event on its head and goes against Colonel Sanders' philosophy. What is this?

PHOTOGZILLA: We call this flip-flopping for the sake of greed. But I'm not done yet. To answer your question is he good enough to teach a workshop, he himself admits he wouldn't have been able to be a speaker unless he organized this event himself. Good point indeed Colonel Sanders. Take a look for yourself from their sadly produced EscalateLIVE promo video with the Becker. Watch 5:12 to 5:23:

Escalate LIVE- Episode #2 from Dane Sanders on Vimeo.

PHOTOGZILLA: Let me quote him again in case your eyes need to read the actual words. Dane said, "I figured that the only way I could ever really get on this ticket is if I created the event myself." What I really like is how The Becker responds with the most honest statement I've ever heard come out of his mouth, "Well, hey, you did it and that's good for you...And I think it's going to pay off." Just look at the Beckers face as he turns and takes in the view of the theater seats as he says "pay off." I'm fully convinced the Becker was doing the math in his head about what the actual pay off will be for filling all 600 seats. Oh, yeah. This event will definitely 'pay off' nicely for a few people for selling inspiration without much substance. And this pay off is for the Dane and the speakers. The facts can't be denied.

PZN: Wow. Just wow Mr. Rockstar. This is quite disconcerting. How much money are they going to make from this seminar alone?

PHOTOGZILLA: Yes, it is very upsetting isn't it? Confuses everyone that watches it, especially when it comes out of their own mouths. Well, I did some conservative calculations myself. The Lido Theatre is a one screen theatre that rents out its space often for private events and meetings. This one theater only holds 600 people. Here's my breakdown so far:

Lido Theatre rents out its space at $1000 per hour and includes all audio/visual/and staff support required to run a meeting. EscalateLIVE presale price per Tier 1 ticket to first 300 with fees is $184.47. If the first 300 physical seats sell out with Tier 1 pricing and then the remaining 300 at Tier 2 pricing, that's Tier 1 $55,341 + Tier 2 $78,866 = $132,207 dollars in gross sales. When you deduct the cost of the rent of the theatre, which will likely be negotiated a bit from their normal $1,000/hr rates, you're around $12-15,000 cost for the two day facility rent. This means your roughly around $115,000 after subtracting rent. Now, that's the bare minimum with the current data we have. They are also planning on selling it on 'Pay-Per-View' by streaming it online. How much revenue will be generated from these online sales is another factor to consider. More then likely, they will also be profiting from selling DVDs recordings of this event. 

There are minimal expenses like travel for some of the speakers, but that's a drop in the bucket, along with some turkey sandwiches, mini-bags of chips, and some cans of Diet Coke from The Becker's trip to Sam's Club.

I just also want to mention, there are people spending hundreds more, if not over a thousand dollars, flying in from other countries and states to go to this event. They are plunking down more money to attend, not to mention the money they've already spent in going to WPPI. These are not the economic times to be taking advantage of these strapped for cash business owners. Look at me, I have to work at my part time job at a drive-thru just to make ends meet. But I do eating free food at work, I won't lie [Grins].

From my calculations, each speaker stands to make a minimum of $10,000 for just inspiring photographers with their personal biographies and plugging the "tools" you will need to ahead. Dane Sanders could be profiting more as the producer of the event. Also, just watch what tools they'll be plugging. Products that the speakers are owners/producers of and/or belong to their close friends. David Jay & will plug Showit sites. Dane Sanders his lack luster plagiarized book. Becker will plug his silly B School. Jessica Claire will plug her sadly designed Shootsac. The list goes on. 

Should they make money? Sure, why not. It's capitalism. People sell crap all the time and poor suckers buy into it. But this is part of the underlying problem known as the fleecing of America. Is all this inspiration information free and available on their sites, blogs, in other forums, and in books? Of course. Are you learning to improve what's really required from your knowledge of photography to have a strong foundation for the service you provide? No.

So there you have it. 

I hate to cut this short guys, but I need to get back to work. The drive-thru is probably backed up by now.

PZN: Mr. Rockstar, thank you so much for taking the time out of your day and sharing your insights. We really appreciate it.

PHOTOGZILLA: You guys better appreciate it. This is the weirdest interview I've ever had to give. I mean, who follows a guy into a public bathroom stall and starts asking questions? You guys are just nuts and will do anything to get a story!

PZN: Yes, sir! We'll do whatever it takes to share the truth with all of the professional photographers we love and help them make a more informed decision to better the industry that belongs to them! We don't want anyone throwing away any of their hard earned money.

PHOTOGZILLA: Yeah, yeah. Whatever. Anyway, can you just throw over some toilet paper or even some newspaper. I'm all out over here.

PZN: On a final note, PZN wants to leave you, our readers, with the following image. We honestly assumed, as professional photographers would agree, that selective coloring was dead. Apparently not.

This image is from the home page of EscalateLIVE website. These pros are keeping the trend alive. Apparently, with at least 9 PROFESSIONAL photographers with a bunch of cameras on hand, not one of these 'pro' photographers had enough creativity to produce their own image for their own event. We are truly saddened and surprised, as you will be, to learn that this image is from iStock microstock photo services. Photozilla just yelled from behind the bathroom stall, "WTF? That's just pathetic!":

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The Triangle of Seduction

PZN is proud to release its first short story, "The Triangle of Seduction" by our resident author Photogzilla Rockstar.

*All characters appearing in this work are fictitious. Any resemblance to real person, living or dead, is purely coincidental. All grammar and spelling mistakes are not meant for teachers to grade.*

It was a dark late night. Jessi sat there with a glass of wine thinking about how she could make an impact on the world, but mostly in her sad bank account. She was at a crossroads thinking about what in life she would be good at. She had began to wonder about her interest in photography and how she could make a gazillion dollars. Of course, weddings! How hard could it be?

Fast forward in time. She joined FDW (For Da Win, an online photographer's forum) and was reading and soaking in all the knowledge she could. Pretty soon, she realized everyone was quite the whiner, complained, and had the egos of an ox. "Wow, what a bunch of idiots," she thought, "That's okay, I'm going to get what I can and get the hell out of here."

Armed with some basic knowledge of the lightest camera to use in her small man hands and where to get stuff printed, she knew she had to network. Ah, network. That was the key to her's and everyone's success throughout history. Know the right people, and you can really go places. She had already made a few connections through the forum but also had heard some of the names that were being thrown around.

Being online, the internet was like a baby and no one quite knew what it would be when it grew up. Some realized its potential while some didn't. Regardless, everyone knew this was going to be changing the way people interacted with others as email had already become a primary source of communication. Small business website were just beginning to take shape as HTML was being learned by an entirely new generation. A few photographers were taking advantage of this online presence, including one guy living in Apple County.

As Jessi took stock of all the connections she had made, she knew she had to take some drastic actions and find someone who could help her go further. There was this guy named Mickey who had also faked his way into the industry trying to get some pricing information from this one guy, who went by the name The Pecker. After that, The Pecker tried to help out Mickey learn the ropes. Mickey never realized the Pecker was going through some sexual confusion and was attracted a little to Mickey. Regardless, Mickey and The Pecker continued their friendship, even though the Pecker was hoping either A) He could score with Mickey or B) Mickey would help The Pecker score with anything with a pulse merely by association.

Jessi had heard of and seen The Pecker. Now Jessi knew The Pecker was a bit overweight and had pretty bad eating habits. However, this wasn't going to stop her from being a successful business woman. She was willing to do whatever it took to get her magic kingdom of fortune.

The Pecker had his own path to success; having a large mouth like a good salesman, he had made himself known by coming up with an ingenious plan of using one name to brand himself. After all, who couldn't remember a name like The Pecker? The other thing he had going for him was what he referred to the blow me pose. Every person he would shoot, he would tell them to crouch down on the ground to his waist level, turn side ways, and look up. This pose would be trivial in his success on the art of posing in his own workshops in the future, as well every single person he would shoot professionally or for personal use (At the time of this report, this single pose is still being used by The Pecker as well as others. No other poses have been taught).

Now, some might wonder, "but how did The Pecker get the name the PECKER?" Good question our fellow readers. The one thing many don't realize is what they actually DO realize. Especially our female readers. If you didn't know The Pecker The Known Photographer, according to our scientific survey, most women find him quite a turnoff and some even went as far as saying they would not even pay him any attention without his 'branding.' And why do women get this uncomfortable feeling? Well, many can profile his personality by instinct alone and some by conservative principles. The Pecker's lifestyle includes junk food and gambling...a lot. Not very damning, however, before his attempts at wedding photography, he had a dark secret no one knew about it. The Pecker had tried his luck with another interesting subject matter: pornography. In hopes of scoring with hot easy women on the casting couch, The Pecker was shooting pornography to make a living. As many know now, that didn't quite work for him as he found wedding photography to help pay the rent. Apparently, he was not able to focus on the job, but more importantly, The Pecker has always had a hard time getting women to take their clothes off.

As Jessi and The Pecker became friends, Jessi knew in the back of her head she needed to secure The Pecker's loyalty & support. As time went on, she used what she had as a woman to seduce The Pecker's needs. It had been quite some time since any woman had seen him naked, and of course, this wasn't going to change. Not exactly at least. Jessi herself wasn't exactly what one would refer to as quite comfortable in her own skin. She didn't care; she'll do whatever it took to make her mark. Just turn off the light and neither one would have to actually see the other.

After a night of drinking and pretending to enjoy the game of poker, she finally seduced The Pecker. He had not had certain gratification in ages, except when he had to pay for it, so she knew what he wanted. At first, when she saw him without clothes, his love for junk food was more then apparent. She had to sacrifice and put her discomforts to the side. After this one occurrence of one sided satisfaction and The Pecker rolling over & passing out, she had secured a closer relationship with The Pecker...and his pecker...taking her name to a broader audience. She could now name drop The Pecker in all her blog posts and other daily activities they would be involved in. She had been accepted into the circle.

As she continued to build a personal relationship with The Pecker, what she didn't know was that The Pecker was himself securing a relationship with another photographer. Her name was Eli Seats. Eli also wanted to secure a financial future, but didn't have the public appeal or presence. Only an average wedding photographer herself, she had to come up with a way to help herself to some cha-ching. At this point, both The Pecker and Eli were going to use each other to get ahead.

The interesting twist comes from the fact Eli was keeping an eye on Jessi as well, even though both women were sleeping with The Pecker at the same time. This didn't matter to each woman as greed kept their focus on their goals. Jessi had been blogging like a mad woman, even posting photos of rusty fences, worn down doors, and dead flowers to garner any kind of daily attention to her blog. Eli seduced her as well, knowing full well she had to keep her hands down the pants of both the Pecker and Jessi. At this point, it didn't matter that The Pecker was sleeping with Eli, Jessi was sleeping with The Pecker, and an unconfirmed report still, Eli being inappropriate with Jessi. Jessi had also realized Eli's talent as a businesswoman with the necessary financial backing needed.

With one hand in each cookie jar, Eli & Jessi convinced each other while drinking cans of beer that a bag could be made using the same can coolers they were using. Photographers, especially women, could be fooled into thinking that by placing an ugly attractive pillow case cover to customize each bag, they could make millions. After getting an old neoprene surf suit from their friend Mickey the surfer, they went to work. With the backing of their network circle who were doing their own part to fool the masses, they managed to get their friends to begin talking about how wonderful this $3 in materials bag was worth spending $150 for. They proudly called it the WetSac. Even though many complained about its inferior sad design and even damaged lenses, the marketing & perceived 'rockstars' endorsements helped drown out all of the negative reviews. Jessi was ecastatic by the sales, but Eli was over the moon. Eli's stake was earning her a nice nest egg, but just not with Jessi. Now it was time to play her Pecker card as well.

Eli and The Pecker had been talking about starting an online forum for wedding photographers together. Sure all of the information and education photographer's needed was free and available in many forums online already, but they figured if the mass of photographers were sheepish enough to pay $150 for a can cooler bag, they would be willing to pay $120 a year subscription to feel like they were getting some break neck information. A few short months later, Eli and The Pecker released "The P Class." To new photographers, the slick website looked like it could help them market themselves, even though they didn't have a solid technical knowledge or experience about the craft of photography. However, amongst themselves, The Pecker and Eli joked about how moronic people were to pay for already free information. They didn't care people weren't fully trained or experienced photographers, they were going to teach them how to fake it till they made it. Of course, they would never disclose this in public, but amongst themselves, they were laughing all the way to the bank.

As time went by, The P Class showcased talentless photographers that came to promote their own workshops, such as Scarlett Clueless and Stephen Nutthsac. Of course, all of these photographers were exposed later on as being frauds and were never seen again.

Jessi, Eli, and The Pecker had created a small marketing pyramid to promote their products and services. Eli had a stake in both of them, making twice the money both were making. The triangle of seduction was a success, and Eli was loving every minute of her master plan. The Pecker realized this and knew he would have to commit to an ongoing relationship with Eli in order to secure a financial future. He managed to convince her he would always wear clothing around her and only be naked with the lights off. She reluctantly agreed, knowing she needed his loud mouth and branding just as much as he needed her now.

Things were beginning to look like bliss and joyful in their little fantasy land of duping photographers of their money...but this was all going to change. There was a storm brewing they never expected at a new news network called PZN. Change was in the air...

What will happen next? What will this PZN Network uncover? Stay tuned for part 2 of our short story as the drama continues to unfold in....The Triangle of Seduction!

Part 1 of "The Triangle of Seduction" was brought to you with limited commercial interruption by a grant from the @thebschool and @shootsac, who will also each donate $10,000 to an orphanage in Haiti.